God carried me...

I made it thru this week. God carried me just when I needed Him. Monday morning I had an early appointment with Dr. Parker to remove the cancer off my jaw. He took that off and I had to wait for the lab report to come back and sure enough he had to remove more since the cancer had spread. He took a quarter size area and all the way to the bone on my jaw. Now according to my insurance, I have to wait at least 24 hours for him to sew it up for the insurance to pay. So they "pack" the area and put an "airtight" bandage on it and sent me home. I was home by 10:00 and was working away at my desk. On Tuesday I was back at Dr. Parker's office for him to take a cancerous place off my left upper shoulder, about the size of a quarter there too, and to repair my jaw. Thank goodness he only to to go into my back once. But same thing, they had to pack it and I had to go back on Wednesday for repair. On Tuesday though I had to take a sick day. The pain was bad from both the repair and the shoulder and I was so tired. I slept most of the day. Wednesday, I was able to go back to work. God just made sure that this was an easy week for me. Just when I felt like I couldn't make it thru, I would ask for some patience for the pain. The Dr. really did a good job on my face. It's about a 2 inch "zipper". Stitches come out on Monday. The place on my upper shoulder is about 2 and half inches long and he put in dissolvable stitches and covered it with steri strips so I don't have to change that bandage everyday like my face. He's the same doctor that did all the work on my face last year when I had the two places removed and people tell me all the time that you can't see it. So I'm hoping that you won't be able to see this after a few months. I won't be the most attractive for Christmas pictures but I'm alive and we are still catching this cancer before it grows. I wished they could cut into my lung and liver and bones and remove it all as easily. Radiation was put on hold this week since I had open wounds and the doctors didn't want the chance of any infections setting in. I start that back up on Monday.

I've got to finish shopping for Christmas. I mean seriously! I need a few elves to come to my home and get all this done. I just can't believe I haven't finished. Like I don't know that Christmas is always December 25th every year. Seriously! I've turned into one of those people! Now to get it done!

Santa, in case you are reading this blog. I can't say that I've been an extremely good girl this year but I've been as good as I can be. Seriously!

This time of Year....

This time of year, used to be my favorite time of the year. My boy's faces would light up with the prospect of seeing Santa and the look of Christmas lights and our house was alive with music and laughter and then the unthinkable happened we experienced the death of a child. Our 8 month old daughter Taylor died, that first Christmas, we couldn't even stand to stay home, so we loaded up a Uhaul with gifts and headed to New Mexico to spend it in a different environment so we didn't have to experience it at home. From that Christmas on it was never the same for me. Oh, I put on the "face" but it never was the same for me. My marriage starting falling apart, I was falling apart emotionally and I just never really found the joy of Christmas anymore. After the divorce, my ex and I shared the boys for Christmas and I usually found myself giving Eddy that day with the boys due to the fact I didn't really care if I was alone, I wanted to make sure that the boys had a good day and I knew his family always celebrated in a big way. I still find it hard to celebrate even after 21 years. I will admit that last year with a little Hunter man around that it was a little better and I'm hoping this year, it will be a little more. He's two now! Even though it will be bitter without Lariat with us, but I know he is getting the help he is needing.

Tomorrow I go in to have cancer removed off my face and then Tuesday they remove the cancer off my back. For the first time in a long time I'm nervous about a procedure. Normally I'm not but for some reason I am. Last October they had to remove two places off my face and Dr. Parker did a great job but I don't know I just have a "gut" feeling. So please pray for good results. It's going to be two early days as I'm doing it early, early so I can get back into the office and work a full day each day.

The Christmas tree is up and decorated and the house is ready to go. I had to get all of this done this past weekend so I could have it done and not worry about it this week. I must say the tree is beautiful and no saws were involved like last year. Thank goodness! Seriously, this time of the year is to be enjoyed! I need to remember why we celebrate Christmas. Maybe we all should!

Seriously! What else...

I'm usually the most positive person! Seriously! I am! I go thru more crap and have more crap heaped on me than I sometimes think I can personally take. And sometimes I get myself in the middle of stuff just because I'm also the most honest, I just tell people how I feel. I've always felt like why not just say what you feel. Don't lie to a person, tell them how you are feeling, state the facts, lay it out there and get it on the table and let's deal with it. Let me see if I can put all of what has transpired the past few weeks.

First of all Thanksgiving I spent alone. Didn't mind that at all since I felt like crap, had a ton of work to get done for the sales meeting and could do it all day long without a phone ringing and any interruptions. I spent the entire and I mean the entire day working, it felt good. I got almost everything I needed done for my sales meeting done and out of the way before the L man and I spent some time Friday doing some Christmas shopping and then Saturday spending some football down time.

Monday morning I headed out to the airport at 6:00 AM for a flight to CA for our company National Sales meeting. Now I have know idea why we need to get there at noon for our meeting to start the next day and I have to sit between 6 month old twins screaming but this was my Monday. My coworker and I spend hours running around getting stuff together for the meeting which I could have done here and shipped but I spent my afternoon doing there. Then on Tuesday the Marketing Team comes up with the idea that we are going to do the Amazing Race and for 7 hours we are running around doing this race and I'm talking physical biking, running, and taking a toll on my body. I was puking by the end of the evening. My team mates were wonderful, they were let's walk it and not run. I was tired, exhausted and could have cared less about this team effort. I'm not one to turn individuals you are trying to make into a team against one another but that is my thought only. I was so tired and sore that on Wednesday I had such a bad headache while we were in meetings and again on Thursday all day. Now, the problem came when the sales team try to "open the door and tear down the wall" between marketing and sales. When we tried tearing down this wall, one individual became very defensive and instead of trying to hear us, she just got all defensive. Now I knew this was going to be a bad idea to begin with since no one would really state what they want to say clearly, everyone was sugar coating the fact, when for months now it's been stated loud and clear. So, I just stated the fact that she wasn't hearing what we were saying and I got barked out by her. Seriously! I'm trying to move it on and get off the subject and she's giving me the "I wasn't born yesterday" speech. She even got upset when she won the "Suck Up" Award earlier in the day. This has been awarded to the new person every year. Seriously! Get over it! Did I get all upset when I had to run the Amazing Race when I didn't want to! Hell no! Should have I done the race! NO! Would my physicians have had a cow! Hell yes - one had three! Do a walk where I pace myself yes - but put myself thru shit like that - SERIOUSLY! What was I thinking! TEAM! Did I think twice before I did that - no! Did she think twice before she said something, no. Do I wish I would have thought twice before I said something, oh yeah! I wished I would have done what I promised myself when we first brought up this subject. Keep my mouth SHUT! Seriously, I came home from our sales meeting, Larry took one look at me, said what happened, I told him how our sales meeting ended and how she thought I was the bad guy. Even at dinner when I was trying to explain, she was telling me how she never expected something like that from me. Seriously!

On a sweeter note! After buying my own ticket home, since my company thought it was necessary to come home thru Phoenix and spend 60.00 on baggage fees each way to say 1.80 on airfare. I came home on American and was able to fly First Class, thank you God for Plat status. I was able to get home about 6 hours earlier, get chemo, radiation and spend some quiet time.

Hunter and Ashley arrived on Saturday and we spent some time together then Hunter spent the night with T-Lee. We watched some football and then we hit the sack. Then on Sunday we went to the pet store to buy some fish and then home to watch the Cowboys beat up on the Colts. I love beating some Manning. Sorry! We played trains most of the day and then he spent the night with me again. I love some Hunter. The sweetest thing, before he goes to sleep at night, he has to "hug" a picture that has his "ma" "da" and "uncle chance". Then he goes to sleep. On Monday I took him to see the Trains at Northpark at lunch before I met Ashley. He was so sweet. He's really good if you tell him his schedule, like today we will do this, this and this. Then he kisses me and we do our stuff. One night I was tired and I climbed into bed and he was finishing watching the movie UP, I could see him on the sofa in my office and every once in a while he would glance at me in the bed. He's adorable. I love our time together and it makes me realize that my time on this earth is pretty precious and that life has it's most precious moments and I'm going to grab them. Seriously!

Thankful for...

Where have I been? The question should be where haven't I been. I finished the 3Day and was home a couple of days only to do a day trip for business to McAllen. The next week I was off to St. Louis, MO for four days on business and on Friday our PPAS Board worked all day on our year long plan. So much in such a short time. This week I've been working here in Dallas and on my presentations for our national sales meeting in CA next week. On top of all of this, I started radiation on my lung tumor and had my Friday AM chemos, a new crown on a tooth, worked with a co-worker on a "game" for one of the presentations for next week and was able to get new "hair" today. WOW! Oh and Hunter came for a visit last weekend. Yes, the little man came to stay with me. He was so cute and so loving. I enjoyed every minute. He's 27 months old now. The cutest thing is that he would gather pictures from around the house and point to his Mom and say "Ma" and "Da" and "Uncle Chance" (well the best you can) and wanted to know when they were coming. It broke my heart when he pulled me to the sliding glass door and wanted me to sit down and wait. We did this once when his mom and dad went to a movie when he was just a year old and he still remembered that. Smart boy. We played trains and cars and he has this little dance he does that just makes me laugh. He was going to the potty and wearing big boy underwear. When we went to bed he had to put a photo of his mom and dad right on the pillow. I loved having him so much. Before I took him home on Sunday we went to Petsmart and looked at all the animals. He loved that!

As Thanksgiving arrives in a few hours I reflect on the past year. I'm Thankful for so much! I'm thankful that I have friends and family that love me, even when I'm grouchy and not the most pleasant person after treatment and going thru some of the roughest times. When medicines make me feel as if I have the most vile stuff in my system. I'm thankful that I have a company such as Evans that has seen me thru the economy and thru some rough times. I'm thankful that I still have two children, one that is getting the help he needs and has given me a daughter-in-law that is willing to stick out the tough times with him and given me a grandson that is healthy and happy and another son that has two great jobs and is independent and takes the time to participate in things such as the 3Day with me and calls me. I'm thankful that ASI awarded me the Bess Cohen Humanitarian Award - a most humbling honor. I'm thankful that I have a man who continues to love me. I'm thankful for all the doctors and nurses who take care of me and continue to give me life. I'm thankful to the drug companies that continue to develop drugs that they allow me to be a guinea pig of. I think this is the one thing I can do to make a difference. If it doesn't heal me at least it will be a stepping stone in curing someone someday. I'm thankful that my Cowboys are winning a few games lately (Yes - I am!). I'm thankful that God has decided that I'm worthy of being on this earth another year, when Seriously, I should not be according to doctors. What are you thankful for?

I'

3Day/21 years ago!

I did it! I made it thru the 3Day 60 miles - OK I managed 54 miles this time. Friday morning was cold but absolutely beautiful. Our team of eleven, nine of us were able to walk together. We had two that were slower walkers but 9 us us that could keep the same pace. We began the day at Colin Creek Mall just as the sun broke and walked our little legs off. About one our encouragement and nourishment team met us at a little place right around the corner from my house. I had fajitas and a Corona (Yes I did) before we continued on the day. At our last cheering station our "e&n" team had "pink pantie pull downs - our signature drink" for us and our friend Tim came and did massages for us. My hip was killing me and sometime during the day my left knee was hurting for some reason and the last three miles was giving me some pain. But I finished! My favorite two things during the day was the Mother standing next to her daughter in the neighborhood that thanked us for walking so she could be healed to now take care of her daughter who is battling the disease now. And the young lady in the Ellen tee that was in a wheelchair trying to maneuver these Dallas streets and Jason assisting her up the curb to camp. She was a hero in my eyes.

Saturday started off cold again but was another beautiful day on the path. I woke up feeling pretty good. The legs were feeling fine after a nights rest in my own bed. The "e&n" team had breakfast with nuggets, burritos, hot chocolate w/Godiva chocolate and mimosas (I even filled a flask with one!). A half a mile from lunch I turn to say something to the team and I turned back around a hit a "toe crack" and caught my toe and twisted my left knee and I was hurt. I called for help while I kept walking but I knew I was in trouble. My knee felt like I had popped something. The entire left side felt like it was burning. The L man picked me up and took me to get cleaned up (with a flushing toilet-this is huge for a walker, since we use port a potties for 3 days) before taking me to meet everyone at the lunch site. There was a super surprise waiting for me. Chance had arranged for Ashley and Hunter to come join us. Yes! Of course I started feeling better when T-Lee saw Hunter. I had to take off my cap for him to recognize me but the moment I did he smiled so big and came running up to me. I was crying and it wasn't from my knee either. I was able to get seated and get ice on my knee and Hunter was talking to me. It's been over 3 months since I've seen him. He's so big and Ashley sat right next to me. It was decided that with the pain being so bad no matter what position the knee was in that I should not finish the next 6 miles with the team and take it easy. I went home with the family and just rested the knee and iced it off and on all day and night. After Ash and Hunter went home, Chance and hit the bed about 8.

BTW: Ashley has promise to allow me to see Hunter more!

Sunday morning I woke up feeling really good. The knee felt great. Larry swore I wasn't going to be able to walk today. But I was good to go. I met the team at 6:30 and off we went. Our encouragement and nourishment team had a great lunch for us at Arlington Hall and we were able to rest for a while. We were on a kick rear pace and we all felt good for having walked. Sharla would be so proud.

We had a team dinner last night. Tons of toasts were made. Kay and Al - Sharla, Jason and Shelva's parents, spoke about how Sharla would have been proud of us and how proud they were. Sharla Schooley's Angels do rock.

21 years ago today, my precious angel, Taylor Cheyenne Garrett went to heaven. I miss her! I know she's rocked in the arms of Jesus. I was proud to be her mother for 8 months and 10 days.

"Our memories give us...

Seriously, It's Thursday and the 3 Day begins tomorrow. I'm in RUSH mode already. This week has flown by already. I tried my best to rest over the weekend. I sofa surfed as much as I could, though I did sneak out for a party on Saturday over to my girlfriends for a Ranger watching party and apparently that was the secret because they won but we just couldn't pull it off the rest of the series. But it's okay - those Rangers made me proud, they played with heart and soul and to see Jim Sundberg again and Nolan Ryan every night - WELL that can make a girl HAPPY! Now for my Cowboys, let's just say I still have HOPE for them. HOPE they can find heart and soul to play like the old team they were.

Monday I drove down to Houston for appointments and a luncheon. Monday I got the news that I have to have Mohs surgery on the cancer on my face and back for sure. Tuesday, I finally was able to have that schedule for December (my November is booked solid) and I was told that I have to start radiation again on the lung tumor that has grown. I had a small melt down and my rant against cancer and how badly I hate it. It lasted a whole 45 minutes before I realized that I could stomp it out this weekend with a good walk. LOL! I'll start radiation on Monday. I drove home on Wednesday and worked until Midnight. I have a long list of things to do today, to get ready work wise just so I can take off a couple of days. I also have to find a new Executor of my Estate, as mine told me yesterday that she doesn't want to do it after being on it for a year. I just wish she could have waited to tell me instead of telling me a couple of days before the walk. When she said she's been wanting to tell me for a long time - whatever that is suppose to mean. She rode in the car with me for 600 miles 5 weeks ago, could she have told me then.

Tonight we have our team dinner. Our teammate Jana has it at her house so we can "carb up". I love this. We have 13 walking on our team (ok 12 - we still count Sharla even though she left us on March 10th) - Sharla Schooley's Angels. My friend Mike came up with an inspirational quote for us. I love him for it. "Our memories give us the energy to take each and every step. It is the hope that gives us the determination to finish." Seriously, that is what will get me to finish 60 miles this weekend. OK and the support and love of my family and friends!

If each of you will say a prayer for our team, I would be thankful. Chance will keep everyone posted on Facebook. Seriously, stomping out cancer is on my list this week!

Believing!

Where in the world have I been? Better yet, where haven't I been! I came back from walking 60 miles, was home a whole day and left for San Antonio to see clients and do a show. My Mom was in the hospital while I was there (how convenient was that). So, in between appointments and shows and everything else I was running back and forth to the hospital. First of I am a compassionate person, but my poor Mother is the most negative person on earth and I'm just the opposite. This is one of the main reasons I've NEVER told my Mother I'm ill. OMG, she would have me dead already and I mean DEAD! I believe you should always be positive when dealing with a ill person, you should try giving positive energy of some type. Even when a person is dying, I've always been the type to say things like "it's okay to fight the fight until you are ready to quit". I've just always believed that positive energy makes every situation so much better. In my Mother's case, I mention I'm not feeling well, and she swears I must have some deadly disease and she doesn't even know what is going on. Only if she knew. Any way, while there in San Antonio, my Mother had them run every test possible. The doctor was kind of enough to run the heart cath at 6AM so I could be there before I had my show set up. He was so sweet. So, my Mother has a blood disorder like pre-leukemia, which is not life threatening, she just has to watch it. But you would think she was dying, to hear her tell it.

I came home on a early flight on Friday morning so I could have chemo and then I left Sunday to go to the Minnesota/Dallas game with my friend Shelley Sake. I had so much fun! I've always wanted to see a game with her and this was my chance. She has season tickets and the joy to share this game with her in the MN Dome was WOW. I loved every minute - even the loss the Cowboys took! I allowed myself a vacation day and enjoyed the Mall of America there and had dinner with Shelley on Monday evening. It was so nice. I came home on Tuesday AM and enjoyed the week working here in the Dallas area. Even seeing the Rangers win to go to the World Series on Friday night was a WOW moment too! That is a team that BELIEVES!

Monday, I hit the air again for KC. The week has just flown by with the Cowboy loss on Monday and the Rangers loosing on Wednesday and Thursday. Seriously! But I still believe that we can win! Both teams! We can still pull it off. I had only 1 in 4 doctors believe that I would still be alive now! So, I will always BELIEVE - until the very last moment.

I'm gearing up for another 60 miles next weekend here in Dallas. I can't believe it's already here. It is and believe it or not, I'm doing it again. Chance is coming in and staying with me for the 3 Days. He'll keep everyone updated on Facebook. The nice thing is he believes I can do it! Is there something you've been wanting to do? Something you believe in? Go do it! Believe in yourself!