Last Saturday I had to have a CT scan and an MRI on my neck and head. I have had this fullness filling in my right ear for over 2 months. Like you have fluid in it, but you don't and I needed to check my pituitary tumor - that little thing that has hung around forever to torment me too. I swear my body loves me. First of all, I was suppose to have just a CT scan on early Friday morning before work but after sitting there 45 minutes I was told their machine was down could I come back tomorrow. Oh yeah, just what I want to do on a friggin Saturday morning. Then I get there and they tell me "Oh we want to do a full MRI too" Is some one's car payment due this week. So two scans and two injected dyes. My kidneys loved that! So an hour and half later I walked out of there. I loved Cancer!!! Love it! I'm just so glad it has picked me and not someone else in my family! SERIOUSLY!
Well after coming down with my honey's virus over the weekend. I wanted to kill him. I think I said I hated him so many times (I really didn't mean it - but it did make me feel better when I was blowing my nose and feeling crappy - try it next time you are sick - just say - I hate john black! - It makes you feel better!). Poor guy - he takes a lot of crap from me. I don't deserve him! I don't! I had good trips in Tulsa, Stillwater, Springfield, Mo and then finally home on Thursday evening. I could go into how I just about got into a cat fight with the drunk biker chick sitting in the middle seat next to me and thought I was going to have to call a flight attendant to settle her as down one more time if she called me a "librarian" but I'll leave that hilarious story for another story.
Anyway yesterday, I go to my Dr., who by the way I couldn't love any more than family. Bless his heart, he hates to give me bad news. So he tells me the Pituitary has not grown BUT that there is a mass behind my right ear. OK, I knew this was coming with all the symptoms (dizziness, fullness in the ear, swollen gland - either something or my wild imagination - don't think so). So, now I have to go thru the process of ruling out the big C again there. What the F...., excuse the language but really. Trying to find a surgeon to see me that will deal with the ear area - lots of nerves, one that was actually in on a Friday and would see me on a Monday to even look at it was HELL. My doctor was calling, I was calling to see which were on my insurance, etc. Pain in the butt. By this time, I'm beginning to have a little bit of the OK, What the HELL is NEXT feeling. By the time I got home, the 36 jello shots in my fridge and 1/2 of a bottle of Xanax was looking appitizing. Seriously! I had to call Jane to talk be down off the ledge. I settled for 2 Advil, 1 Xananx and some food finally. My doctor texted me a note to tell me the surgeon we settled on is the one who just did his (he has stage 4 cancer himself), so I feel a little better. Just another little hurdle, I'm just stumbling a little here at the moment. God has seen me thru so much, I'm just wondering how many more I can be seen thru. I try not to admit it, but it gets scary sometimes. I want to get this body BACK! I want to get me back! I'm so tired of being poked and prodded by doctors - sometimes I just want to rebel and scream and what I want to scream is just not nice. Seriously! All I can ask is God to walk me thru this journey too. Hold me and today He may just have to carry me because I just don't think I can make the journey alone, BUT thank goodness I know I don't have too. Seriously!
