What I'm grateful for lately!

This past week went by so quickly. It was crazy busy and so much to do. It felt nice to be busy again and to feel well. I was able to get 2 radiation treatments in and chemo on Friday with good counts. That I'm grateful for.

Chance and Stephanie (his roommate) came to pick up my old mattress on Thursday. I could tell Chance was excited to have a bed to sleep on. I remember how it is. When I first moved into my own place after my divorce I was sleeping on a twin mattress and couldn't wait to get a full size bed. I thought it was such a big deal! My new mattress arrived Friday evening. It's taking some time to get used to. The Lman loves it but I'm still having some issues with it. But, that's just me and my bones. I'm grateful it's super soft.

This weekend I've done just about nothing. I've been so tired from the chemo. I got up for a little while this AM and worked in the office on preparing for my trip in Tuesday. Yesterday, I "threw" together a Key Lime Pie. It's okay but not as good at Whole Food's. But I'm grateful it's worth eating. I did find a new love in the Garrett Household, Starbucks' Caramel Macchiato ice cream. That I'm really grateful for!

I'm going to go meet Sharon, Chrissy, and Cheryl Ann to walk 5 miles in Euless. I figure it will be some good training. I need to get this body of mine in shape. Grateful for friends that will walk with me.

As I lay day tonight I was thinking just how grateful I am for all the men and women that have fought for my freedom and that are still fighting to protect this country. I hope that that we all let them know in a small way that we do appreciate it. My favorite way I like to make sure that I always say thank you when I pass someone in uniform and I make sure that when I see an elderly person, man or woman, I smile and say hello. That person, lost someone in the war and most likely are still missing them today. I know I have two gentlemen that are well into their 80s and one could be in his 90s, that live next door to me. "Blue Pajamas" as I call the gentleman that lives on the corner. I call him that because he mainly wears blue pjs and always has them on when he goes to check the mail. Anyway, he doesn't say much but I always say hello and ask him how he is doing. He barely has a visitor. Yesterday morning the Lman and I were returning from the grocery store when I noticed that Verizon had left phone books on all of our doorsteps (back and front). I made sure that I moved them away from "blue pajama's" door. Lman gave me that "honey what are you doing" look, I told him that I didn't want BP to trip over them when he came out his door.

So, the next time you see someone, just think about what they may have been thru. A smile or a hello just might make their day. It usually makes mine. I'm grateful for a lot of things but tonight I'm grateful for our brave men and women!

Productive days!

I've had some productive time the past few days! It feels good. I don't know if it was because I'd been feeling badly or because my office has been torn up due to my office closet flooding a few weeks ago or what but I feel so at peace now. I'm a person that when my space is disorganized, I feel stressed. Everything is back in place now. I've had a strong week of calls and I've managed to get some weeks of appointments made.

Last night the Sharla Schooley's Angels met for the first time this year. We've decided to go with a Pretty in Pink theme for the fundraiser. All I could think about while we were sitting there, when we went to take a vote was wanting to ask the question "would Sharla like this - if so, let's do it then". I just couldn't get the words out. I'm pretty sure she would like it. I'm going to have to call in all the favors that my supplier friends have been telling me they would help me with. Shirts, Stickers, Lapel pins, pink cups (with ribbons on them if I can find them), etc... This is going to be a night to remember. Mark the calendars, September 18th tj will be appearing in a pink tutu again! And, I've decided that another walk is going to happen, that is besides the Dallas walk, so yes, 120 miles again this year! Washington DC will be seeing me along with 7 of my team mates as we make it known that we hate cancer. So, training will be in the works! Got to get this body into some shape!

Radiation twice this week. Yesterday and again tomorrow. Chemo on Friday AM! Kicking cancer's rear and taking it's name this week. So, you thought you might of had mine last week "C", but think again! Being productive is what I do best!

Trust

Well, I'm back. It's been a hard week. I won't lie. Thursday I went in early for radiation on my lung tumor. My doctor was shocked to see me walk in, he was so sure I'd have to be wheeled in. He said "I would have bet a day's salary that you would have had to be hospitalized this week.". I told him I was out seeing customers yesterday. He said he should have know.

Friday, was chemo day. I don't know a Friday that isn't. I also put up a new saying in my office. It states "I'm not perfect...but close." I told Larry, if it weren't for the cancer, I would be! LOL! I also got to have lunch with my honey. My favorite. Love those times.

Saturday. My friend Nancy lost her friend Suzanne to cancer. She was mad and I don't blame her. It sucks. I sometimes have survivor's guilt over living when someone dies. Like, why me, why does God leave me here for another day, week, month. It's hard sometimes. I wonder if why God finds me worthy to be here and He takes someone younger, or with young children. I have a hard time understanding.
We went mattress shopping today too. Now this isn't the easiest doing when you don't feel the best but here's the thing, it must be done when you feel bad because that is when I'm in the bed the most. So, we went bed shopping. I was lounging on quite a few thinking what would the poor rep do if I just puked on the bed or the floor. I know most of you reading this are more than likely thinking OMG is she nuts. But this is my life and know I didn't. We did find a great bed at a great price. Sealy had a bed that they call "right side firm" that they were selling at a 75% price. I thought this would be great since it will give me options with my hip. I can have soft or firm whenever I need it. My hip has been so painful and when you are in bed most of the weekend curled into a ball sick, well a mattress is so important. We were calculating how old my mattress is. Now, I hate to admit this but when I bought my mattress 10 years ago, I was traveling quite a bit and then when I was home I was sleeping in a huge chair blue chair most of the time. Last year when I moved, we got rid of the chair. So, calculating we are thinking my mattress is actually only about 5 years old. Chance is going to take my bed, he is so excited, since he's been sleeping on a flip sofa.

Last night after I spoke to my friend Jane and we caught up on our week. I was telling her I thought her daughter Anna should name her next child Talana Jane and call her TJ. She laughed so hard I thought she would fall out of her chair. While I was lying in bed last night I was thinking that I needed to call a friend about doing my service when I die. I keep a list of all the things that I want done, it changes and I update frequently, I'm a woman after all.

Not long ago I had an issue with trust and the Lord. I had never had this issue before. I was shocked by this. You have to remember that when my daughter Taylor died in 1989 at 8months old after open heart surgery I didn't question, I knew she was in Heaven. I comforted by the thought that she was being rocked in the arms of Jesus. I knew that! The day of her surgery. It was nine and half hours long. She went in at noon that day. After about 6 hours they came out to tell us that things were now going well. I made a bargain with God that day. Don't judge, until you are a mother and you've been in that situation, please don't judge me. I bargain with God that day. I told him that if He needed Taylor so badly, that I would let her go, if He would allow my cousin Kevin, 25 with a wife and 1 year daughter, that had brain cancer and a friend of mine Gail, 36 with breast cancer and a husband and two young children, live. I'd give her up. Now Taylor's heart was bad, we knew this. The day before the surgery, when I went to visit NICU, I couldn't see her there. I began to cry and the nurse asked me why and I told her, I didn't see Taylor there. She told me not to be negative and I told her I wasn't. It was mother's intuition. I could just feel it. They kept coming out every 30 minutes telling us they could bring Taylor out on machines, they could take her back in 72 hours and try to get her heart started. I remembered the conversation with her surgeon. A young mother herself with a son, a few months younger than Taylor. I had asked her the night before, please do only what you would do for your own child, that would result in a full life. Now, Taylor died at 9:30 that night. I didn't ask God why, I accepted the fact. Kevin died in April of 1990 and Gail in December of 1990. I never asked God why then. I was grateful they had more time. When I was diagnosed with Cancer. I didn't ask God why, I was grateful it was me and not my loved ones. But in March when the less than a year came, I got mad but I didn't question. But then the pain came and I questioned why. I could handled a lot but the pain made me need drugs and I was worried and I needed trust in the Lord. I was questioning if He was listening, if He was punishing, if He needed me to listen to something. Was I not listening to Him? Was I not following a path? What was I not doing in His eyes. Finally I realized my definition of trust and the Lord's could be a little different. I know that He's there. He's LARGE and He hears me. Thru whispers and pain and tears and loneliness. I know He will be there for me. I TRUST, for he heard me this past week.

Seriously!

Seriously, I'm not sure where the last few days have gone. I had the best intentions on Monday morning when I posted. I thought I would get something done when wham, the wave of nausea hit and the vomiting took over and would not stop. I could not remain upright. Upright meant upchuck! I can crack jokes now. I took a sick day and found myself thinking of all the ways I could end it. Usually I'm just not that type. I can take a lot and I mean a lot, I mean I've walked 120 miles in 2 weeks with blisters on my feet, I can do just about anything, but Monday evening I couldn't take much more by Tuesday at 4 AM I was wondering how I could make it look like an accident by 7 inch knife thru the heart. That's how serious I was. New meds they started me on last week for the pain was making me throw up and dizzy and just plain I can't live like this. By noon on Tuesday I finally felt like the fog was lifting. Though Larry said he didn't really believe it. I have these stones, one has STRENGTH on it and the other has HEALING on it. I was sleeping with them, rubbing them on my stomach. Wishing I had 10 of them to tape to me. Yes, it was that serious! Anything to make me better. I was giving myself the "you feel good" speech. My mind was into believing but my body was REBELLING. I was whispering "I am well, all is well". Just knowing God was hearing those words. Finally yesterday about 12:30 PM a chicken sandwich stayed down and then at 5:30 another chicken sandwich stayed down. Today I awoke feeling as if the world was right again. I was so grateful that at least yesterday I could make phone calls and do computer work from the prone position. I might not have sounded like a on top of the world sales person, but I was alive. Today, I made it out of the house and saw a couple of clients. God is good. Now, by the time I arrived back at the house at 4:30 I was dragging big time but I did it. I had to ask God to carry me a couple of times, but I'm sure He didn't mind. I had lost a few pounds the last couple of days, so the load was a little lighter. My doctor's were right and the new meds were kicking in after 7 to 10 days. I'm just so happy, it's closer to those 7 days. I'll keep sleeping with the stones though, they might have a little power and they are a little cooling when your body hot to touch. I have to say, Alan Christopher had these cool packs that Maple Ridge shipped the chocolate in to LSSU to keep it cool. Those cool packs have been life savers too. I used those to keep me from overheating. I would be burning up and I could use those to cool me down and the nice thing is, that they could be flung to the side of the bed and then used and then thrown off and then used for like up to 6 hours. It was great! I didn't have to get up in the middle of the night to go and get another one. That's an energy saver for me!!! Seriously, just another day, and more chemo on Friday! It's a vicious cycle but someone has to do it and it might as well be me! Seriously!

It was a week!

Wednesday began before the crack of dawn. Our local Promotional Products Association had their Lone Star Sales University. I always try to volunteer when we do this, if I'm not presenting. I think it is important to give back. It was great to see friends and customers of course, but was it a long day. I left the house at 6:15 and when I drove into the drive at 7:14, well, let's just say the body and mind was at "where's the bed". I was at zero tolerance.

Thursday, I had a couple of calls in Ft. Worth and then took the late afternoon off for some down time. Even though I found myself answering phone calls to make sure we could make a client happy. I was so tired after yesterday, that I just couldn't go any more, or so I thought. I was able to get up later and do those little things that I feel must be accomplished before I end my day, like all e-mails must looked at and those with urgent must be answered (I know, crazy).

Friday, after chemo time! I met the gals for lunch. I must admit this used to be a great time to talk and catch up with everyone but I've noticed we've just grown to such a huge group. I guess I've missed a few but WOW we've gotten so big. It was nice to see everyone though. I hadn't seen one of the gals except for a work lunch in a while, so catching up with her was terrific. I had a token for her that I had been holding for near a year. It's like my healing and strength and friend and love stones that I keep around. In fact my healing one I carry with me every day in my wallet and my strength stone, Holli carried with her on the last day of the 3Day two years ago and I carried on the last day last year. It's the first thing I look at in the AM and the last thing I look at in the PM. It's not that I replace my God with it, it just reminds me that I have the strength to ask for help if I need to. I'm the worst about that. I'm hoping that when I gave my friend this "baby" stone, that she knew that she wasn't alone in her fight. I wanted her to know that she has other's thinking about her and praying for her everyday. I hope she knows that you just never know when that "baby" might happen. She and her husband will be the best parents in the world.

Saturday, well, let's just say, I would like a do over. I felt awful. New pain meds plus chemo just had me feeling awful. So it was a sleeping Saturday. I don't know what went on and slept thru most of it.

Sunday, I work up feeling like I might just make it. I had committed to walking 5 miles today and had to mentally prepare myself. I didn't even think I could make a mile but seriously, I need to get this body into 60 mile mood. My friend Cathy came over and we began the trek. Before I knew it, muscle memory kicked in and I was putting one foot in front of the other and walking a trail I had walked a jillion times. Before I knew it, I had logged in 5.25 miles. My body was screaming NAP-NOW and I was listening. But I had accomplished that 5 miles when I doubted it could be done. Let's see what I can accomplish this week! Seriously!

Hunter and his bug!

Hunter bug came to visit! He was so sick though. His daddy brought him in and he put his little arms around me and just hugged me. He was such a sweetheart. He had gotten sick in the car, so I had to get him undressed and into the tub. I put his farm animals in there with him. He was happy then. I know what boys like. He was so good. I cooked him some plain mashed potatoes and he ate those and carrots. He's grown so much. It was nice to have Lariat and Chance here. Chance left and Lariat and I went to Target and got diapers and pull ups for Hunter. Ash wants to start potty training. Hunter was just laying his head down on the cart and I knew he wasn't going to last long. We came home and got him cleaned up and some liquids and Lariat headed home. I rested up.

Monday I went to take a shower and there were farm animals in the tub! That's what you find when little boys visit! I was on the phone when the most awesome package came. It was a "message board" that Shelley, Michelle and Nancy put together for me. It is AMAZING. They decorated it with a Cowboy jersey and pink stuff and had customers and friends write these messages and they tucked them inside. OMG! Of course I cried.

Today, I had my second dose of radiation this week. I also had a scan on my ribcage. I'm been hurting in what I thought was my left breast. Turns out it's my upper rib cage there that's the problem. My doctor called this evening - the cancer has spread to that rib cage, so now it's in both sides. Not a big deal! We'll manage it - just a little more pain medication and it will be bearable. After radiation I went over to Grapevine and helped get ready for Lone Star Sales University. I'm volunteering for that today and tomorrow. We stuffed some bags for the event tomorrow.

I just called and checked on the Hunter man. He's feeling better but Lariat said he's not feeling so hot, apparently Hunter had a little "bug". Let's hope T-Lee didn't catch it!

Oh What a Night...

Wow, what a night Wednesday turned out to be. I knew I was going to New York for a reason. I've know for about 7 weeks. On March 12th I received a call telling me I was being awarded the Bess Cohn Humanitarian Award by ASI. I actually sobbed while I was on the phone with Tim Andrews. First of all, Sharla had just passed away that Wednesday, the 10th, and she was the biggest reason I had started wanting to do these Komen walks. I had shingles when Tim had called and it had just been a really bad week and the fact that ASI thought I deserved such an award of distinction, well it made me cry.

So Wednesday, Jane and I, after, we went to GMA ,and by the way was able to be on TV a little bit, Anna, Jane's daughter said she saw us. Anyway, we moved over to a new hotel, closer to the awards ceremony. We rested most of the day and then we started into "beauty" mode. I had fretted over the perfect dress for weeks. I had found it and the shoes and still nervous about the dress until it was on and we were ready to walk out the door and then I knew this was THE DRESS! I really felt pretty in it! I really did!

We saw my coworkers downstairs and they went ahead of us in a cab. Jane and I waited and waited and then we saw a big bus back up into another cab and go crunch and then all of a sudden Jane said come on and we were getting into the back of a town car. We arrived at The Plaza in a black town car instead of a taxi, it was so nice. Cost more, but what the heck. We walked inside and who was standing there but the owner of my company, Alan Vaught. Yep, "the waterworks" began. He had flown all the way in from LA just to be there for this event. Wow! I was overwhelmed. We went upstairs and ran into my customers and friends Teresa and Shelly Moisant. I had guessed that Teresa was there to receive the Woman of Distinction Award and I was correct. I was so nervous. I was to give a thank you speech and was so sure that I had it down, note cards in hand and all. But guys when Debra and Matt Cohn began to talk about me and how their grandmother would have been proud of me and all that I do and when they asked me to come up and the audience stood up and began clapping and I got up on stage. Well, tj garrett was pretty much speechless. As Alan and Jane had told me "speak from the heart" and I did. I couldn't remember my speech, even with my note cards in hand. I couldn't even glance at them. I was overwhelmed. The rest of the night was a blur. People were coming up to me and telling me what an inspiration I was and how I made them want to do better things, etc. I had the time of my life. It was great. I was really tired when I arrived back at the hotel! All I can say is Oh What a Night and one I will never ever forget!

Jane and I flew home on Thursday. I must admit, I was ready to come home and I'm so glad I did. I awoke on Friday morning at 3:15 to a ceiling that was leaking due to the neighbor's stopped up AC unit. The award winner was back to reality pretty quickly. I had just enough time to get the samples out to the closet, dress, get in the car, head to chemo and call for help on the way. Life is never dull.

I didn't feel great yesterday, really tough day, I don't know if the chemo was kicking in early or what but wow. Dana managed to get me a new computer. Mine would have been 5 in June and I really needed one. Any way when it arrived I let Jason and Dana know it was here. I now have Skyping ability on it and they called me. I wasn't looking so hot. I have to remember that next time to make sure I have clothes on when I "answer" my computer. LOL!

We've just been laying around today. Resting up due to the fact that the Hunter man and his dad Lariat and Chance is coming over tomorrow. Ashley has to work. I did send a gift to her last week. Lariat said he hid it and will give it to her tomorrow.

Life is good, no matter what, I wouldn't change this crazy world I call mine. I really wouldn't!

in the Big Apple

Jane and I rode the subway yesterday without a hitch all the way to ride the Statten Island Ferry to see the Statue of Liberty and Ellis Island. It was so fun. Though docking that big thing is like me squeezing into my spanx after a few days of eating in NYC. It was a tight fit. You talk about beautiful, to see the lovely "lady" is AWESOME. We then rode the ferry back and and boarded the subway back to Times Square. Now we did stand in line at the discount ticket place for Lion King tickets only to discover after 20 mins. that they didn't sell them but hey that was 20 mins. of people watching that was worth it. We went to the Lion King ticket booth and after offering to kiss the ticket seller(why, yes I did!) he gave us discount tickets in the orchestra seating near the aisle(my friend Heide)said this was a must we came away winners with two tickets for the performance at 7:00. We really rested up. We ate Junior Burgers for dinner and went to the BEST performance. OMG! HUKUNU MATATA is our new mantra. No worries, be happy. It was just a great day!

Now, this morning we got up early, this was the first day that has happened! We went over to Good Morning America and sat out and drank coffee and watched it all. I love to people watch and boy did we. The funniest was the three women and their paper graduation caps! Seriously, did that look silly. We watched them adjust them so many times, we thought they would turn into trees again. But then, who came out into the crowd, my hero, Robin Roberts. All decked out in a green sweater set and grey pants and that cutie putie George Stephalophigususss (spelling his name is not important here) looks! He is so cute. Then who comes out - Sam Champion. Jane said it made her thighs hurt to look at him! He is so much better looking in person than on TV. He is charming and nice. I wanted to eat him alive. I didn't think he was in town. So, seriously, my "list" is almost complete. If I fit into that dress tonight, then, and only then will it be complete. My NYC trip will be complete. Life is good in the Big Apple.

Laugh til you cry and then laugh some more

OMG! We walked yesterday - if I gauged it correctly it was about 12 miles. We went to Central Park and took a Pedi-Cab thru it. It was great! Our tour guy was wonderful too. He could not have been better. I saw Strawberry Fields, where John Lennon looked over and Jane and I saw a movie being filmed. We should have been in it of course. LOL! We then walked back to Times Square, found where to buy tickets for tomorrow night, made dinner reservations at Blue Finn and came back to the room. We then, walked to Rockefeller Center for a reservation for later that night, then up to the largest Macy's. OMG - 9 floors and the oldest escalators. Wood ones. We then came back to the room to get dressed for dinner. Blue Finn was amazing. The best food. We then went to Rockefeller Center at night. An AWESOME sight from above. I hope the pictures turn out. Then it was back at the hotel. For two girls, who left the hotel at 10:00 and returned at 10:00 and logged in 12 miles it was a fun filled day. With rain, sun, rain and sun, we couldn't have asked for better. BTW - we didn't buy a thing today but our food and pedicab.

Now the funny things: the gal that had the black tights that you could see her under wear and watching the men stare. The gal in the pink dress, not zipped all the way up in the back, doc martin boots with the black thong, black hat and the gentleman watching her. When he went to go down to the subway, he knew that we knew that he saw it and just grinned really big at us. A huge laugh. The pile up on the escalator at the Rockefeller observation deck when the old people decided that they would just stand at the bottom and not move. Jane was pushing me and I was being the polite one, trying not to mow them down, while the people behind Jane were pushing her down. I'm still getting a belly laugh off that one. Jane and I want to buy some of these people full length mirrors. Bless their hearts their small apartments must not allow them.

Goal of the day - how DO we get on Good Morning America's Jumbo Tron but not be in shackles on our way to jail! Smell that burning - that's us thinking. All I can say is laugh until you cry and then laugh some more. Today's a new day.

Angels is all the right places!

What a day! Dream vacation, day one! What can a girl say. Jane and I arrived in New York City today. I arrived a little earlier and rode a bus over to meet her. On the wait for my bus I met Sherry. She was on her way to change planes on the way to Washington DC to meet her sister in law. She just looked like she needed a friend. We exchanged info and she asked me why I was in NYC and I asked why she was going to DC. She's never been to DC. I told her that I had been my Jr/Sr Year of HS and that I loved it and she should see certain sights. She's from Chicago and told her how much I loved her city during warm months only. LOL! We then boarded the bus and met Brian. Brian is a TSA officer and he noticed my Pay It Forward bracelet and ask me if I participated last week. I told him yes and he stated he would like more info. I told him I would send him info. I took down his name and will send him some info when I get back home.

Jane and I met up and settled in our Hilton Hotel in Times Square. I worried this morning for about a nano second when I heard about the car bomb in Times Square today on the news but then I said a prayer that we would be protected and a calm came over me and I knew that we would be safe. Jane and I decided to go to Ground Zero and thought we'd take the subway. The lady at the front desk said take the E train, it will take it straight there. First of all, Jane and I had difficulties in finding the entrance to the subway, but did! Then we discovered that once on the E train that it wouldn't take us to the World Trade Center, that we needed to get off and change trains, in the midst we ended up in Brooklyn. Now, at some point, I thought "we are not in a safe neighborhood" and about that time a young man said "where do you need to go". We told him and he said follow me. He took us on another train and then he took and put us on another train. A gentleman from there told us where to get off. 2 Angels - 2 trains. Now Ground Zero was amazing! There is a gentleman at Ladder 10 that will tell you the story of the falling towers over and over again, word for word and rub down the copper wall that tells the story in picture format. It is heart breaking. Jane and I then take the A train back and another Angel helps us get back and off at the right exit. Tonight we went to a quaint little place to eat. OMG! Then walked back for some Times Square "lights". To see where Good Morning America is filmed. We checked out where the Lion King is on Broadway. Then came back to the room for some bath bombs and heading to bed.

Oh and the best part of the day. Tonight at dinner as I was telling Jane the story of Sherry and how Sherry called me an Angel for helping her, Jane said "you are an Angel, you just can't see your wings because they are on your back". I, of course, teared up. Now, on the way back to the hotel tonight. Jane and I found matching t-shirts. Would you believe, they have angel wings on the back. God is good and he placed Angels in all the right places today.