My Affair...

For the past few weeks I've been having a serious affair, with Ben & Jerry's Cinnamon Bun Ice Cream. It's been fun and enticing and desirable but so naughty. Finally, I had to admit it to my honey. Oh, he knew I liked it but he had nooooo idea that I was buying extra pints and consuming them or hiding them in the back of the freezer. The affair finally came to an end yesterday when I went to the store and low and behold, there in it's place sat other flavors of Ben and Jerry's Ice Cream. Now I was hurt! I thought there could never, ever and I was so convinced that I wouldn't be able to replace my two new lovers and their buns with another but I brought home Creme Brulee and Peach Cobbler. As I sat with the L man today and we started scooping spoonful after spoonful in our mouths. I realized Creme Brulee has replaced Cinnamon Buns as my new favorite. That affair may linger another month! BTW - the honey wasn't hurt at all.

This week flew by! I hope it did for everyone who needed it to. I flew into the smallest airport ever, Manhattan, KS on Tuesday. Tiny, friendly and just how I like it. Drove down to Wichita, stayed the night, drove back to Manhattan on Wednesday evening and flew home. I had to drive down to Waco on Thursday for a few appointments and drove back on the same day.

On my drive down to Waco so many memories came flooding back. I used to make that drive back and forth for a few years before I decided to make the move to Dallas. I used to live in Waco and worked there for 5 years before I moved to Dallas in '98. So, every time I go back I have memory flashbacks. I had this strong urge to want to go on down to my home town and visit. I was raised only about 60 miles from there in a little town of about 700 people. I was thinking about Taylor. I need to go visit her grave site. I was remembering that it will be 21 years ago this November 8th that she past away and I was thinking that the time has flown by. Would she really have been 21 this year? I remember the year that it had been 10 years since her death, I was working for Barlow at the time. I was heading down the highway to an appointment and all of a sudden it hit me what the day was. I called my manager, Paul and just said that I needed the day off. I stopped at a florist, asked her to make me a wreath and why. The florist was so sweet, she did it on the spot and I drove the 2 hours home. I just remember how upset I was that I had allowed the years to "sneak" upon me. I'm sure Taylor (little Miss Taylor) as we called her would understand but it just seems yesterday she was here, the boys were running around in their underwear, but it's not, life has happened, but I'm so glad memories are still there.

I had dinner with my friend Heidi on Wednesday night. It was great catching up with her. Life is short and I love catching up with girlfriends. It seems like forever since I've seen her.

Football season - thank you for football and thank you for cooler weather. We've been blessed here in TX for a couple of days.

I've been feeling a little under the weather the past couple of days. Could it be too much ice cream? Oh gosh I hope not. Chemo was rough on Friday and counts were lower but the doctors feel the lower doses they are giving me are on track with the new protocol. They've been asking me more and more about the tanning booths that I used in the past. I swear I cooked my liver to death along with my skin. I wouldn't doubt it if they found out that those things are deadly machines. I used to live in them if I could. But, I will not blame myself for what I've done in the past. For some reason I'm fighting this disease.

The Little Things!

What a week! I just never understand how I make it thru them, ok, I do understand, with the grace of His hands and that one sentence I sometimes whisper "please carry me today because I can't do it by myself." He always does! I don't even have to say "hey God, it's tj here, could You help me out right now", He just seems to know when I'm in need.

Sunday began with set up for a show in Grapevine, TX. I arrived as Neal Young from Sanford was unloading my pallet of stuff the company had shipped in. God bless you Neal! I have the best buds in this industry. Then on Monday the MAPPS show. My youngest, Chance, came in to assist if I needed to go to the bathroom, take a break, lift catalogs, you name it, he was there, more importantly to move stuff out! Love him! Tuesday, we drove down to Houston for the HPPA show and Chance came along. He had time off this week and I'm so grateful, these long road trips are killers on me! The set up on Tuesday and show on Wednesday and then the long drive over to San Antonio on Wednesday evening and set up that evening for the CAPPA show. May I say, OMG! Then show on Thursday and a drive home on Thursday evening! If I hadn't had Chancer along to load and drive and reload and drive, there is no humanly way I could have done this! He was a life saver! Love him for putting up with me, because I'm no angel when I'm tired and cranky. NOPE! I call this week "hell week" due to all the set up, tear down, driving, etc. It's a little too much! Though, I do get to see all my friends and customers and I get to visit, so in that sense I call it a "family reunion". I just don't like the driving and riding. My hips take a beating riding that long.

This week I was also able to get my shirts done for the team - yea!!!! Now to get them imprinted. I also had some surprises as some suppliers donated some items I didn't know about. I love my supplier friends - they are the best! Just when I think I can't get this stuff done - God Blesses me! I'm in awe all the time - gratitude!

My man is back in town from his trip. Thank you! I'm a happy camper - all is right with the world. We are in the same city for the next couple of days.

I haven't trained this week - I need to get my rear in gear - Washington, DC will be here before I know it.

"Enjoy the little things, for one day you may look back & realize they were big things." Robert Brault

I'm grateful!

How does a week just fly by? I've been so busy this week. Thank goodness I've actually been home but just busy. Monday I had "advocacy" training. So, now after all these years of doing what I actually do, I'm now qualified to go out and speak on our industry. It feels pretty good! I still have to put together a power point presentation and find the time to schedule speaking engagements but to know I'm qualified to do it, well, it just feels good.

Between appointments this week, I've been preparing for the next 9 weeks on the road. I have like 5 Association shows, 5 tabletop shows and 4 end user shows, plus appointments in different cities in those weeks and just a ton to get ready for. So preparation has been busy.

I've also been suffering from these intense headaches ever since I suffered the concussion over three weeks ago, I really thought they should have stopped by now. I was having heart palpitations, being dizzy and panic attacks(I would be driving down the road and start getting panicky) and finally they did a scan again and everything was healing and come to find out, it was a medication I was on. They stopped the meds, and within 24 hours, my heart stopped racing, my headache stopped, no more dizziness and I haven't had a panic attack. They had given me the medicine the Saturday after I had struck my head and they put two and two together and this is what it was. OMG! I thought I was going crazy. I'm starting to feel like a new woman again. Thank you God!!!

Training is in full swing. I've had a couple of great walks this week. The body is beginning to remember what it is like to walk those long walks and not fully hating me! Yet! When I walk, it's like therapy. I just release every thing into my walks. If I'm feeling upset, I just pound it out in the pavement. Usually though, I just try to meditate. Think about what's going on in the body and how grateful I am that I'm still alive.

I keep a gratitude journal and every night I write down 5 things that I'm grateful for. This helps me reflect on all the good things that happen through out my day. I used to write down how grateful I was for my job. I love what I do. But last February, I was told by a new manager that I wasn't a team player. This hurt and really broke my spirit. I stopped writing that I loved my job in my journal. The other night a friend sent me a Zig Ziglar attitude video and he made me see that I could still love my job and why I could still be grateful. That is was still buried inside of me, that I was just glossing over it. I realized that one person's words can't break you, unless you allow it. To that friend, I owe him big. I might be in love with him, if I didn't already have a big old teddy bear of my own.

Thursday was Hunter's 2nd birthday. Of course, I'm not allowed to see him, again. I do hope that one day Hunter knows that his T-Lee thought of him everyday and loved him. Hopefully Ashley will grow up one day and quit pulling these stunts. There is hope!

I get up everyday and I ask that the good Lord guide me to be a good loving, loyal person. I say thank you that I'm being granted another day on this earth because I shouldn't in all reality. I try to be grateful for some of the things that I find in the day that come in the smallest of ways.
I'm grateful for friends - those old and new - because they are there to tell you they will donate to your cause, help you in a bind, and the new who will tell you they will throw you a "diamond encrusted life jacket" because you helped them with a project
I'm grateful for doctors - those that will listen to me when I say this is what I'm feeling and I know I wasn't feeling this way 3 weeks ago, can you help me figure it out. And they do!
I'm grateful for my company - they've stuck with me thru this cancer when some owners might have said otherwise. I have an awesome owner and president.
I'm grateful for family - I have two sons - one that I've very proud of right now Chance is a Commissioned Peace Officer and works for the City of Weatherford. And Lariat, well he's getting the help he needs for drugs and alcohol, help he's needed for a very long time. I have a grandson, Hunter that I love so much! Chance and I would love to see him much more but until Ashley realizes we just want to help out, well enough said. I also have the love of my life. The "L" man as I like to refer to him. There isn't a day that goes by that I don't say a thank you for this man. He is my soul mate and my best friend.
These are just my daily gratitude's but every night I write down 5 things I find that I'm grateful for, sometimes my list is longer because some days, I've had a really grateful day!

Lover of weekends!

I'm a lover of weekends. Fridays are always chemo days, so I spend 4AM to about 7:45 AM curled up in a chair receiving "vitamins" as I like to try and envision the poison that drips thru my veins. So by the time I get back to the house and finish my day and the effects take over about 5PM, I'm pretty much wiped out. Friday evenings for me are usually spent curled up on the sofa with aching bones from the effects. They have pretty much gotten the nausea taken care of with my meds they drip in now but the chemo makes me tired. So Friday evenings, I rest up and on Saturday if I don't rise for a really early training walk and I'm talking 4AM for a 8 or 10 mile trek, you'll find me snuggling all day in the bed or sofa surfing as I call it. I'll go from the bed, to the sofa in the living room to the sofa in the office and make the rounds all day long. I have trouble staying in one place very long. The chemos I take, I take a mixture of two, makes my bones ache really bad. It's like having growing pains and muscle cramps at the same time if that makes sense. So laying or sitting for a long time in one position, sometimes just feels like I'm on fire in certain places in my body. On the weekends they give me a little higher doses of pain meds than during the week to get me thru. So, maybe that's why I'm a lover of weekends! LOL!

I got up this morning and met my buds for a good training walk. We walked the mall at Northpark. 6 miles. It felt good and it was great! Then the entire team met this afternoon to go over planning for our big fundraiser in September. OH Goodness it is so close. I have so much to do! I can do this! I have tons to ask for but I know I have supplier friends to help. I'm armed with list and this can be done.

I think back to this fight with cancer and I wonder how I've gotten thru it. Sometimes the power of positive thinking is so great and my belief that God has a greater calling for me. I laugh ever time I think how He just is not ready for me. On my worst days when I think that I'm ready to throw in the towel and just manage my pain and get thru the next few months and I garner the strength to decide to do these walks and I think "where do I get these crazy ideas". Well, I'm sure He's deciding that I can do it and it can be done if I'm willing to say "I'm Yours". Carry me on those days I'm too weak. Believe me, I have many a day when I'm not training for a walk either.

Football is back! I just love football and I mean I love my Cowboys. I grew up with football. So when football isn't on, well weekends are a little harder on me, weekends with football, well, take a guess. I love college and pro. On Saturday and Sundays, my TV (all three) are tuned to football. There is a game on in every room. God bless football. Another reason I'm a lover of weekends!

Training and Raising and Kindness

I've been home two weeks in a row. It's so nice to sleep in your own bed, make coffee in your own coffee pot, sit at your own dining room table and read your hometown paper. I love it! If you've every been a road warrior you would know.

Training for the Komen walks has been going well. This week I sat down and sent out my "begging" letters. Yes, when you are doing two 3Day walks and having to raise 2300.00 per walk, that's 4600.00, that's a lot of dough you have to raise plus they are taking place within a month of one another. I hate to ask for help, but I know I can't do this alone. My friends are terrific people and if they can help they will. Plus my team puts a ton on me because I'm in the promotional business, so I'm the one looking for the t-shirts, cups, napkins, pins all for our fundraiser on September 18th. That's really asking my supplier friends for free stuff. We are doing a "Pretty in Pink" themed party. We are gathering items for the silent auction and we have dinner and all you can drink. It really is a great evening. Sharla would be so proud. If you don't know about Sharla, please go on our website http://sharlasangels.org and read her story. She was an amazing mother, sister, friend. And I'm so honored to be a part of the Sharla Schooley's Angels team. She would be proud of Jason and Shelva and how they have honored their sister. It will be hard this year going on the walks without her. There will be a deep crevice but I know that she will be with us in our hearts. I do these walks because I know that some day there will be a cure for this monster we call cancer. I just know it. I hope and pray everday that I'm still alive when that day comes. That is why that I try to stay so strong now and participate, because I know that should I not survive this, that I would still want someone walking and raising funds. I have benefitted from cancer research dollars, they have kept me alive, so why not keep raising the dollars to help others. Someone did it for me. So I walk because I still can. Seriously!

I received news today from Komen that they weren't going to allow me to check in for Dallas until I had raised the 2300.00 for Washington. I had already signed up and began the check in process for Dallas when I had decided to fully commit to Washington. I was still on the fence. First of all, could the body hold up again this year to two walks, I was testing it out under the training and it has, so I did the sign up. So, now I have to bust rear to get the money raised instead of relaxing a little like I did last year. I'm not going to stress about it, I have angels watching over me. Ha Komen, bet you don't have as many angels as I do!

The training has gone well this week. I think I'm going to join the team on Sunday for an 8 mile. We shall see then. The feet have held up well, no blisters, so the prayers have helped. Thank you all for those. This week, could I ask for prayers that He works out all my fundraising plans. No hassels would be just fine, that's all I'm asking.

BTW, when I walk, I write name of all those that have lost or won their battle with this monster. I also wear a remembrance necklace. If you know of someone you would like me to "walk" for or if you want to send me a picture to wear, you can leave me a comment here or send me an e-mail to tj-garrett@sbcglobal.net. I'm serious about this! This walk is just as much about defeating the monster too! Seriously!

My third grade teacher taught me this Henry James quote "Three things in human life are important. The first is to be kind. The second is to be kind. And the third is to be kind." Thank you Miss Jean. I hope I made you proud!