So much as gone on in the past 4 months. More than I really care to mention but so much I want to capture for myself. Let's start in January. I write this because if one woman is saved then I've done my job as a woman. I woke up everyday feeling bloaty and gassy. Yes I'm saying it. I even packed two different pairs of pants for my trip to Vegas for the PPAI show because I didn't know how my stomach would look on a given day. I was feeling tired. But in February, doctors were giving me the good news and I was feeling so much better that I was going from chemo every damn Friday to every other Friday. Do you know what type of celebrating was going on in this house. But in the bedroom, the man thought I was getting a little tighter from Kegel exercises or the Cialis was making him larger. But I knew sex was becoming a little uncomfortable for me but it's not something you really tell the man you love having sex with. I know this may be uncomfortable for some of you to read but it is so the truth. Of course I'm busy busy with work, traveling the country side, snow here in Dallas, and all the things going on. I'm a little on the bitchy side and very hormonal, BUT I'm also 48 years old and feeling like menopause is coming on. My birthday on March 7th was sweet, 49 and I had managed to survive all over the nearly 2 years since March 27th of 2009. I thought life was pretty good until the morning of March 12th. I woke up feeling really bad, pain on my left side, crampy, the Lman and I were trying to have sex and I felt like a log was trying to rip me a part. I spent the rest of the day in bed. I've had cysts before on my ovaries and I thought this is what was happening to me, I thought I could live thru it. The next day I was to drive to Houston on a Sunday, since I had an early morning appointment on Monday morning. I had arranged to see my son Lariat who is in rehab down there. The pain was awful and I honestly don't know how I did it. I got thru the two hour visit early that morning with him. I remember praying dear God, please get me thru this day. Lariat looked so great, the first time I've seen him sober since his teen years and remember he is 29. We had a nice visit and talked about what he will do when he gets out in May. That evening in my hotel, I worried if the cyst should rupture and I die in a hotel all by myself but I figured the good Lord has carried me thru so much, He was not about to let this happen to me. I got thru Monday and Tuesday of appointments barely. Now thru this I had sent in a call report with some brutally honest comments that on the way home in severe pain, my Manager calls to let me know I should never had sent, I'm driving the 5 hours home in pain, crying, praying that if I pass out, God allows me to not kill anyone but myself, and then the President of my company calls to "thank me for being honest" in my call report. Then I'm crying about that. I made it home that night. Now the next day I'm in an Occulant Plastic Surgeon's office and he's telling me that I have to have my right eyelid cut open and a cancer removed off of it. Scheduled April 21st. Ok, home, reports, packing because I'm moving Thursday and Friday. Yes, during all this I'm moving March 17th and 18th. I drove home on the 15th received the keys to my new place and began a move with a painful cyst. Thank goodness for my son Chance and his friend Stephanie as they came on Thursday and moved all the big items. The Lman was out of town and I did all the small stuff over the weekend. Left town on Tuesday, now the one thing I did do was make an appointment to see a new gynecologist on the following Friday the 25th. When I went to chemo on the 25th, my counts were so bad, they wouldn't even touch me and sent me straight home. When I arrived at the gyno, I was convinced it had to be the new meds for high cholesterol they had me on that had given me the massive diarrhea and was sure since the pain was a little better I was good. She felt my abdomen and was like girl this is massive. The ultrasound tech was like OMG this is big 4 inches by 4 inches all the way to your spine. Huge. Dr. McCants wanted surgery that following day, no way, I wanted to see someone to do less invasive, Dr. Inzer saw me that afternoon. They were convinced that the liver tumor had thrown off cancer or I had ovarian cancer. This was bad! I was stunned. This was March 25th - just 2 years ago on March 27th I had been given the worst news of my life, now I was told this. I was in shocked. I came home and beat the love seat in my home, I pounded at it. I'm not one to ask why, but I asked WHY! NOW?? I was feeling good. I just moved. I'm getting it together. Am I not seeing the path correctly? I withdrew. I felt so low. I didn't know where to turn. I had a month of appointments I felt I had to get done. So, I turned into my work. Dr. Inzer felt like he could try the da Vinci procedure. Less invasive he would want to do it soon, I would want to wait. Good Friday - Yes, April 22nd. Good Friday! I got thru the next weeks, busy weeks. I worked hard and kept busy, painful, I told those that would pray for me. I needed prayer, not only for my body, but for my soul and mind. I was weak, I turned to God every morning and night and sometimes during the day when I thought I would simply loose it. During my meditation in the morning I prayed for strength. I didn't have it, I was vomiting, diarrhea. I was loosing weight fast. ten pounds in 2 weeks. Finally the 22nd came. My good friend Jason picked me up for the hospital. Bless his heart 5:00 comes early, we arrived and I got settled, Laughter is the best medicine. Cute male nurses help too. The Lman arrived. Two of my favorite guys. Dr. Inzer told us that they would begin by making a small incision and looking inside. 4-5 hours length for the surgery to take place. I was ready. Scared - yes, confident in my doctor, yes. Dr. Inzer admitted, he thought it would need to come out in an abdominal surgery but he was good at the daVince too. I awoke in recovery, in severe pain but knew the daVince had been performed because I didn't feel a huge bandage on my tummy. I wasn't told anything - I had know idea what the tumor was. The nursing staff was horrible, confusion about getting my family in to see me, they would have to wait and were sent to meet me in my room, but finally about 1:20 I was wheeled down to the Hospital and saw my man with a thumbs up. He told me finally that it only took 2 hours, benign tumor, the doctor was shocked that all went so well himself. I was given a private room. I was left alone and that is when I got up to try to pee (conditions on going home) with two IVs in and climbing over bed rails. Jason, Chance and the Nurse were all like how did you get out of that bed. The Nurse pointed to the red button and said that stands for help. Jason said oh no - she doesn't do help well. Finally after a few hours I was able to pee and on my way home in 12hours from the time I arrived to the time I was released. Now the entire morale to the story, God works. When I was being wheeled from holding into the operating room -yes I had been given my meds(lovely drugs). I prayed the entire time to our God. I spoke to him asking that this be a benign tumor. I had even spoke it out loud as Jason and I walked into the hospital that morning. I know God hears me even in my worst. Chance stayed with me Friday night, God bless him. I didn't sleep much and he was up with me and making sure I was okay. Saturday I was on the pain meds and took those about every 4-5 hours. Sunday I took extra strength Tylenol and Monday and Tuesday just some at night. I feel good. I go in for a check up today. Wednesday I drove over for pre op on my eye. Yes that had to be postponed to May 5th and Dr. Merritt's office charged me 100.00 to reschedule that. Boy, that don't allow us to charge them when we have to wait an hour or two in their office. My Angel Teammates have been amazing. Friday I got out for a bit and Saturday too. Everyday, I feel a little bit stronger. Resting this week to get ready for Thursday. Seriously, God worked a miracle on Good Friday and I'm thankful.
