Upcoming adventure!

I've been busy. I took chemo last night so I'd be ready for my big trip on Sunday. I'm headed to NYC. I'm meeting my best bud Jane there. And no telling what the two of us could encounter. I'm been doing a ton of reflecting too. This week has been a whirlwind. I guess in a way, I'm glad. I knew this week has been coming for about 7 weeks and then all of a sudden here it is. So many things running thru my mind. Am I packing the right clothes, will I look okay, will I have fun. So, I took chemo early so I would get a head start on feeling poorly and feel better when I meet up with Jane. This trip is going to end with some big news! Every time I think about it, I feel like it's a dream and I'm going to wake up and someone is going to tell me it was a nice dream but I'm back in reality. I hope you will read my blog or Facebook to find out on Wednesday night what all this is about. I can't even think about it without tears in my eyes and think how honored I feel. Life is a blessing and I hope that I have blessed someone's life. I can't wait for this adventure!

REALLY!

I had to get up really early on Monday to drive to Houston. I'm talking 3 AM! I was at my second appointment at 11:00 when one of their reps said "I feel sorry for you". I said don't you dare - I was able to see that sun rise and it was AMAZING! You have to realize that when you have been given a "death sentence" you see some things in a whole different light. There is nothing so awesome as Sunrise and a sunset. I like seeing the sunrise though. It makes you think of all the possibilities of what you can do in the day and what you might have missed of you had earned your pink wings. I get up every day and I'm so grateful for that first breath I take in the AM. That God has allowed me to enjoy another day on this earth is an AWESOME thing! I appreciate the fact that I'm able to still be here to enjoy my children, my honey, my friends, my job. REALLY!

11 years ago this month!

Have you ever been so tried that all you can think about is your bed. That has been my thought this week. I had to be in Austin the past three days for a customer's nationals meeting but could not wait to get home and hit the bed. I found out today during treatment that I have some sort of "pneumonia" that has invaded my lungs. This apparently is from the radiation that I've been taking and the virus I caught last week. The combination has caused my lungs to feel like I have an elephant parked on my chest. The docs gave me a "package" full of meds along with my chemos today and they are going to keep me off radiation for a week or two to see if this will help the healing. I sound like a seal! Not a pretty sound I will tell you. I must get better, I have calls next week in Houston and some NYC tourist time with my friend Jane. Alert the media and the Mayor, Jane and I will be arriving on the 2nd of May and the city will never be the same again.

I've been fortunate lately. I've ran into many of my friends on the road. It's been so good to see them. I was able to visit with Vince Terracina this week in Austin for a few minutes. Just this month, 11 years ago, I joined the supplier side of this great industry and Vince and I sat in a conference in Austin and talked about all of the accounts I would be taking over as a Barlow rep. It is still hard for me to believe how my life changed with I came over to this side. I never believed that I'd have so many industry friends.

It was also 11 years ago on March 29, 1999 that I started my first Gratitude Journal and I have kept one everyday since. I'm grateful that I have good friends. I have a job that I love. A man that loves me. And grown men that I still call boys, that call their mother to check in. I'm very grateful that God grants me another day on this earth.

Pay It Forward

Most people know that I try really hard to be positive but OMG this weekend was a really crappy weekend for me. I felt like I was ready to throw in the towel. Seriously, I felt like a Mack truck had ran over me, backed up and had the audacity to run over me again. LOL! Yes, I can laugh now. I must have come down with some type of virus last week while in KC. I knew my counts were low. When I arrived on Friday morning for Chemo they were way down. So low they didn't want to infuse but I begged as I know to get my chemos off schedule is hell. I already have to be off this week by a day due to my work schedule so I didn't want to mess this one up. So, they gave me a bag of antibiotics along with my chemo. Swollen lymph glands and all. I went to bed about 3:30 PM Friday with my computer and slept off and on all weekend. Yesterday, I began to feel human again but barely. Today I'm better but still not tjer yet. The L man is in HI and I have to say I'm really glad (even though I gave him a hard time) because I don't think I'm very good company to anyone. Thank goodness I don't have to leave on a trip until Wednesday. I honestly know there is no way I could have left yesterday or today on a trip. I'm just wiped out. I'm drinking up the vitamin C and all the good drugs I can.

Did you ever have a friend that you wished you could transport to you with the twitch of your nose? Well I have one in my friend Jane. I don't know how we became friends. How we hit it off, or what made us buds, but we are and I'm glad. I can tell her anything and we laugh, gosh can we laugh. And when I'm feeling my worse, she can make me laugh. Laying in bed, she'll see that I'm on Facebook and "chat" with me and make me laugh at the stupid stuff. I'm one lucky friend. I feel blessed and I hope all my friends are blessed with someone in their life like this. I'm actually surround with the best people. God has put all these people in my life. Who knew.

National Pay It Forward Day is April 29th. I've been trying to think of some great things to do that day. I try to do little things everyday. I've been blessed by so many kind things people have done for me that I can't pay back, so over the years I've always tried to pay forward by doing little things. This all started from the year that a package showed up at my door labeled from "TJ's Angles". Inside that package was check for 1000.00 for medical bills. A bunch of friends had heard that I was having a difficult time making my chemo payments and donated money for me. I promised from that day that I would pay it forward and I have. 2 years ago as I sat in a court room to prove I was innocent of a traffic ticket, the judge was reducing traffic fines on others and a gentleman went up and the judge said he was reducing the guy's fine to 15.60 and the guy said he didn't have it. The judge said well, he would have to raise it back to 200 and something if he couldn't find it in the next few minutes. I wrestled with myself as I knew I had the money. Finally I yelled out "I have the money for him". I walked up the the guy and handed him the money and all I said was "pay it forward". When it came time for me to go up the judge said "reduction of fine or deferred judification with fine - so it won't be on your record". I didn't want my insurance to go up. So I chose the deferred. As the bailiff took me to the side he said "the judge dismissed your case, see he signed it. Your were kind to help that young man. Keep paying it forward". I have continued doing it to this day. If you do one kind day and don't expect anything in return, just think of the benefits you will get. I try to smile at everyone I meet. Say a hello, see who says it back. The next time you see a young mother in the grocery line, you'll know which ones, offer to buy the baby food in her basket. Believe me, it will make you feel so good. Or the college student who is counting coins to buy groceries. That mother or college student may not be able to pay it forward now but years from now they might.

What a week~

Wow! What a week! I've been traveling all week. I came in this afternoon and hit the bed. I'm totally exhausted. I know my body so well, that my counts must be super low. I feel like I've been run over by a Mack truck and it had the nerve to back right back up and ran over me again! I swear!

I was in Kansas City this week. The delight was that my best girlfriend Jane was right down the road in a hotel and we didn't even know it. That is how the life of a rep is. You can be in the same city and not realize it until you read facebook at ten o'clock at night and then laugh on the phone when you finally connect for the next 45 minutes. I love my friends! I also ran into other friends and was able to have a dinner with one and lunch with another. Talk about a week of catching up. How great is that!

This week I've been wondering a ton about legacies. How to make a mark in this life that has the TJ stamp on it. I've done some things in my will to make a mark after I'm gone but I to make sure that my boys and Hunter know for sure that I was here. I'm hoping that they will go back and read my blog and learn from it. Learn how life was important to me. Learn how that sometimes when you are handed a roadblock you find a way over it, thru it, around it. Life isn't always easy but you make what you can of it. Today, I saw one of my favorite customers, Houston Hale in KC. He was super busy, but I spoke with his wife Kay. Kay and I were talking about how Houston and I were both alike. We both wanted to get back to our "regular" lives. Even though we had cancer we wanted to work. There are so many people who tell me that I should just stop working and enjoy life. What people don't understand is that work gets me thru. Gives me a reason to get up everyday and go on. If I didn't have work, I truly believe I would have died a couple years ago. Work gives me something else to concentrate on everyday and allows me to live a somewhat normal life. Even in my sickest time, work has kept me sane. I thank God everyday for my job.

I'm gearing up for another walk this year. I can't wait. The surge of training for it! The idea of raising money and awareness is so thrilling and the thought of being one step closing to finding a cure for cancer. Well, that makes me want to do the "tj happy dance" and that is not pretty.

My goal for the next few days is to rest up~

Hunter's Kisses

A little boy named Hunter can make a T-Lee feel so much better. He, his mom and dad came to visit for a few hours today. Oh how he has grown! Usually on Saturdays I'm wiped out but you tell me that Hunter is a coming and I'll find all the energy in the world and will it into me for a few hours to spend some time for that little man. He found the "bunny's nest" that the Easter Bunny left for him. Wow! It had eggs full of frogs and bulldozers and firetrucks and all kinds of goodies. He also had his first sucker. OMG - was he ever so cute. We sat forever on the floor while he ate that thing. I could have watched that go on for days. The way he would pull it out of his mouth and look at it. Feel it between his teeth. It was so fun. The hardest part was keeping him seated long enough so he wouldn't run around with a stick poking out of his mouth while he was eating it. And he's kissing, really kissing. He puckers up those little lips and kisses you. Before now, it's been those open mouth kisses and now he's giving good kisses when you ask for them. That was my favorite part of the entire visit. I must have gotten at least 30 kisses today. Hunter is now in the age that I'm beginning to think that he might remember some of the things that we do together. "So, T-Lee crawls in a tunnel with me and the Easter Bunny leaves a "nest" at her house". Oh God, I hope he remembers some of these things!

I'm been thinking a ton lately about how to make the most of the time I have left. What do you do to make this world a better place, what do you do to make sure your children know that you thought of them every day, what do you do to make sure your sweetheart knew that he was the love your life, what do you do to make sure your friends were special to you? There are so many things I want to do before I leave this earth. I'm hoping one day when my boys and the L man read back thru my Gratitude Journals (I've kept them since March of 1999) that they will see how thankful I was for them. I want to make a difference here. I'm hoping that being a guinea pig with my body and taking the experimental drugs has helped some. I will continue to do so, as this is part of my contribution to help finding a cure for this disease I honestly can say I hate because I just haven't found a any other way yet.

This week I found out that my VP really tired to do something special for me. Because she really wanted to be there for a special event in my life. It meant so much to me - more than she will ever know. I found out that it was due to the fact that a friend of mine had called her to tell her it was a wish of mine. Of course, I cried. It made me happy that someone cared so much to do something for me. I hope to let everyone know what this is all about in a few weeks.

On the health front: I was able to get in two days of radiation this week and of course chemo yesterday. The tumor on the lung is shrinking and the docs say if we can continue getting some major radiation in that we could eradicate this darn thing. The liver tumor is holding strong - bless this one - it loves my body.

This morning as I was curled up on the bed willing myself into feeling better. I do this little routine every day "this is nothing wrong with you - you feel good, you feel great, get yourself up and get going - it's going to be a great day". I normally repeat this over and over to myself until my mind tricks my body into believing it. On Saturdays & Sundays I'm normally not so tough on myself. This morning as I was lying on the bed and telling myself that I wasn't going to be sick, I was watching the Taylor Swift video Fearless. If you haven't ever watched it - do. It has a great beat, but most importantly, it just reminds you - be fearless every once in a great while! Be fearless with me! Won't you!

Friends

Friends - I love them. I love having a bunch of girlfriends at dinner and just talking about the most awesome things. Like love, clothes, food, work, health, celebrations. I love being with a bunch of friends and just joshing. To me that is what life is about - surrounding yourself with the friends and doing nothing but laughing and if you get some conversation in - fantastic. To me this is the best medicine. I love this! When I die, I hope my girlfriends do nothing but go out and celebrate just like we did last night. I want to be able to slide a chair up and hear laughter.

Life, I'd like to talk about it for a minute. In the past year I've realized that Taylor (my 8 month old that died after 9 and half hours of open heart surgery) actually prepared me for this fight of my life. Taylor was ill most of her 8 months and 13 days. Even though she couldn't talk, she never complained, she often smiled thru her treatments and she taught me how to be tough and be a trouper. If she could do the fight, so can I. I believe she prepared me for this journey I've been thru. There have been times that I thought that I'd like to give up the fight and go spend the time with Taylor and finish eternity rocking her in Heaven. Really, it has been difficult at times but I know that my time here on earth is not finished. First of all, God is so not ready for me yet. Can you imagine the thought of me in Heaven - the clouds not being fluffy enough, or my wings being a little itchy. Of course, my halo will always be crooked! I hope one day to expand on the story of Taylor's journey - that is a story that will need to be told. She was an angel on this earth and she changed my life for the better.

THE dress came in over the weekend. It is perfect! It is special! It fits beautiful and the L man says I looks lovely in it. I can't wait to wear it in NY for my special occasion. Now to find the right shoes, clutch and wrap to go with it. I have a set of jewelry that was given to me as a gift that I believe will be perfect with it.

This weekend we went to go get special treats for the Easter baskets. I had a blast shopping with the honey for the grandson. We purchased Hot wheels, frogs, safari sets, bubbles, puppies, and bears for the eggs. Hunter won't get his until this week. I love getting the unusual for him. He loves his T-Lee!!! And T-Lee loves him. I picked up his pictures that we had made of him in his overalls just like his dad Lariat at 19 months. Those two could be twins 28 years apart. They both have bumps on the same side of their heads too!

In my gratitude journal tonight, I've grateful for many things but most importantly, I'm grateful for friends. Those that pick you up, make you laugh, and most importantly are their for you in good times and rough times and even rougher times.

A week in review

This week has been oh so beautiful! I've been in St. Louis for much of it and the weather was just wonderful. My rear has been dragging, I won't lie! But I had such great meetings and I love what I do. I really felt like I was meeting with friends this week. When you can walk into a customer's office and feel like you are walking into a friend's home, it's nice. I've known some of these people for ten years now. REALLY! This week I celebrated ten years of being on the supplier side WOW. It's been a week of celebrating around this house. My BIG anniversary, Larry's Birthday, our anniversary, so much. Life is good. I met a woman this week that her Mother, Jane Parker is battling this disease "cancer" too. She's had it for about 7 years and is 77. Ovarian cancer won't get her down either. Then I met with Margie Price, she has an organization that she runs out of a small area in her office that benefits so many. She should be winning hundreds of awards for the money she raises for cancer. I had 3 woman write to me and tell me what an inspiration I am. I just hope that I inspire them to volunteer or donate to help fight or find a cure for this disease.

This morning as I sit here and have another "vitamin" drip, as I like to call these drugs that go thru my body, I ponder the idea that this thing we call life is precious. Taken at a moment's notice. We go thru it and we don't stop and realize how at the blink of an eye we could be gone. NO, I'm not getting off on some sad note here - just remember each day to tell everyone around you how much they are loved, really loved. Don't forget that! I sometimes forget to tell those just how special they really are. So, if you are reading this and I haven't told you lately - I'm blessed to have you in my circle, I'm blessed that you care enough to catch up with what is happening in my life. I heart you!

Remember that National Pay It Forward Day is April 29th. But you can make make a difference every day. Just do one good deed every single day. It doesn't have to cost you a dime. Next time you see a Mom struggling to get a cart with little ones, help her. The seniors that have to push their carts back, ask if you can do it for them. These people may be able to pay it forward in some way. We can make a difference. I wouldn't have been able to survive this long with out the help of all the good deeds people have done for me. Just think about it is all I ask. Kindness goes a long way!

May you have a blessed Easter. May you find all the eggs you can eat! And most importantly may your chocolate bunny have both of his ears!!! Much Love!