It's been a week. I've been in pain, the pain that the meds just weren't stopping. No matter the time or quantity I was taking would not stop or assist in stopping the pain. I don't know if you've ever been in pain and can't make it stop - it gets to a point of where you just want to either drink yourself intoxicated or over medicate or just put yourself out of pain the only way left - death. This along with only being able to sleep about 3 hours at a time at night is really catching up with me. My doctor's thought if I went to a support group that it would help me, it only made it worse for me. These people just moan and groan, I at least can laugh about what's going on with me and then cry but I can't cry about having cancer 24/7, I just can not do it. I need to be around people than can respond to me with "what type of cheese would you like with your whine". That is what I need. My doctors have compounded some new pain and sleep meds and I started on those on Friday night and finally got 6 and 8 hours of sleep Saturday and Sunday and on Saturday even was able to get a good 5 hour nap and today a good 4 hour nap. These are just things my body is going to have to have more of. My physicians are hoping that the new mix of meds will help me.
Sarah came for a visit on Friday night. It was such a pleasure to have her here to visit and spend time with. I miss her. I've always felt she is my daughter. I will always hold a special place in my heart for her. I'm proud of what she's done in her life. She's going on to coach at Nocono this next year and I'm a proud "half-Mother". I hope to keep in touch with her more.
Then on Saturday night I had someone call my cell phone and ask for Cheyenne. It took my breath away. My Taylor Cheyenne would have been 20 years old and sounded like the young girl on the phone. It broke my heart and I caught my breath. There were so many things going thru my head "was this a joke", "did they know", should I say that my Cheyenne had died years ago. All I said was "you must have the wrong number". It brought back the memories of our family discussing what we were going to call our little girl. Eddy, and the boys wanted to call her Cheyenne. The way Chance pronounced Cheyenne. It was so cute. They wanted to keep that country name. I wanted Taylor. Little Miss Taylor. It was close to my name Talana. She and her mom would have matching names TCG and TJG. I thought that would be cute. Taylor and Talana had 6 letters in their names just like Lariat and Chance. How cool! Mother finally won. i loved that little girl!
Sunday, June 27, 2010
Monday, June 21, 2010
You just never know!
The weekend was a blur. Sometimes it's the pits to have chemo on Friday. I slept all weekend. Seriously! I don't remember much of anything except waking up and going back to sleep. I so needed it though. It was a busy week in OK and MO for work. I ran myself ragged this past week and when I do that my body has a hard time catching up, so Friday night I hit the bed and Saturday and Sunday the bed and I were buds. I wasn't a very good mate. I'm so glad to have an understanding mate.
Good news! Chance, my youngest has a full time job starting in two weeks. Thank you God. The poor boy (man) has been working 3 part time jobs and really needed this break. He'll be working full time for the Weatherford Police Dept. Thank you God - you have been good to the Garrett family lately.
Today when I went out to move my car (we've been having major construction in the back where our covered parking is) my next door neighbor was out back, Nat Cohen and I began to talk. I've lived next door to him for 13 months and this is the most we've said to each other. Funny how it works. He and I really talked last year after he discovered I walked in the Komen walks. He sister is a breast cancer survivor and he had a daughter pass away from it! She lives in NYC I just found out. He lit up when I told him I had been to NY. He was raised there and the joy on his face when asking me what I had enjoyed and visited while there. He has two sons that live in Austin and San Antonio. I told him I worry when his papers pile up since I know his routine. Once when his brother-in-law passed away and Carlos(our maintenance man)actually broke into his place to check on him because his papers piled up for a week and they thought he had died in there. He wants to know when I participate in the next Komen walks. I found out that Mr. "blue pajamas" is 91 and still moving about. He's our other neighbor. I like living here. I still want to get rid of the upstairs neighbors. They are rude but it's okay - I'll make do.
Get to know your neighbors. You never know their stories. They may be someone with an interesting story. They could be someone that needs a friend or someone that could use a hello every once in a while. I always try and smile and make sure my neighbors know that I would be there to help them out. You just never know!
Good news! Chance, my youngest has a full time job starting in two weeks. Thank you God. The poor boy (man) has been working 3 part time jobs and really needed this break. He'll be working full time for the Weatherford Police Dept. Thank you God - you have been good to the Garrett family lately.
Today when I went out to move my car (we've been having major construction in the back where our covered parking is) my next door neighbor was out back, Nat Cohen and I began to talk. I've lived next door to him for 13 months and this is the most we've said to each other. Funny how it works. He and I really talked last year after he discovered I walked in the Komen walks. He sister is a breast cancer survivor and he had a daughter pass away from it! She lives in NYC I just found out. He lit up when I told him I had been to NY. He was raised there and the joy on his face when asking me what I had enjoyed and visited while there. He has two sons that live in Austin and San Antonio. I told him I worry when his papers pile up since I know his routine. Once when his brother-in-law passed away and Carlos(our maintenance man)actually broke into his place to check on him because his papers piled up for a week and they thought he had died in there. He wants to know when I participate in the next Komen walks. I found out that Mr. "blue pajamas" is 91 and still moving about. He's our other neighbor. I like living here. I still want to get rid of the upstairs neighbors. They are rude but it's okay - I'll make do.
Get to know your neighbors. You never know their stories. They may be someone with an interesting story. They could be someone that needs a friend or someone that could use a hello every once in a while. I always try and smile and make sure my neighbors know that I would be there to help them out. You just never know!
Wednesday, June 16, 2010
The Good Life!
I never know how to make people understand about cancer, my cancer. I don't act like I'm sick even when I'm feeling my worst, I don't like people to know. For years I never spoke about being sick, never, I just didn't feel the need that others needed to know. Now, every one seems to know or I forget that every one doesn't know and I make the mention that "chemo kills brain cells" and I feel really dumb that someone doesn't know that I have cancer. How do I do it - I don't know, the urge to not to want to be sick is one of them. I don't WANT to be ill. I want to feel good and I want to live and I want to be well. So, if I act like it and if I pretend that I am, well, just maybe I will be. Well there's hope isn't there and positive thinking can just about accomplish anything in my book.
This week a friend wanted my doctor's info for her sister in law. I think she got upset because my doctor, who only works in research wouldn't take the referral. I think what people don't understand is, because I do so many studies is I don't have "regular" doctors. When you are in studies, you have residents, rotating in and out, usually every 3 months sometimes you barely learn their names, you take whomever will cut on you , listen to you, see you strip, naked, radiate you. You are at their mercy pretty much. But I will do anything to stay alive and I feel like I'm doing it so others can live. I hope that one day these studies won't be needed but until then, I will volunteer for every one I can.
It has been a week of being in the Tulsa and Springfield, MO. I love my job! I love spending time with my clients. It feels good to be back on the road.
Life is good. I'm back in training for the two 60 mile walks I'm doing in Oct and Nov. I have to get the feet in shape. Who knows what DC is going to be like.
Hunter came to visit again on Sunday. He was super cute! I have to tell you - he walked me all over the neighborhood. We saw one of the bunnies that lives in the "hood". He was very calm and looked and me and said "bunny". We saw the big tractors in the back where they are repaving. We just went everywhere. He loves his T-Lee and I love him. He'll be visiting again in a couple of weeks.
I did an end user show for the Eskimo Joe group yesterday. It was great seeing Ken Thomason and Nancy Jolley. I love my buds. I don't know what I would do with out my friends. Seriously! I love them. We laugh so much! I think that is why I love my job so much! I have the Good Life!
This week a friend wanted my doctor's info for her sister in law. I think she got upset because my doctor, who only works in research wouldn't take the referral. I think what people don't understand is, because I do so many studies is I don't have "regular" doctors. When you are in studies, you have residents, rotating in and out, usually every 3 months sometimes you barely learn their names, you take whomever will cut on you , listen to you, see you strip, naked, radiate you. You are at their mercy pretty much. But I will do anything to stay alive and I feel like I'm doing it so others can live. I hope that one day these studies won't be needed but until then, I will volunteer for every one I can.
It has been a week of being in the Tulsa and Springfield, MO. I love my job! I love spending time with my clients. It feels good to be back on the road.
Life is good. I'm back in training for the two 60 mile walks I'm doing in Oct and Nov. I have to get the feet in shape. Who knows what DC is going to be like.
Hunter came to visit again on Sunday. He was super cute! I have to tell you - he walked me all over the neighborhood. We saw one of the bunnies that lives in the "hood". He was very calm and looked and me and said "bunny". We saw the big tractors in the back where they are repaving. We just went everywhere. He loves his T-Lee and I love him. He'll be visiting again in a couple of weeks.
I did an end user show for the Eskimo Joe group yesterday. It was great seeing Ken Thomason and Nancy Jolley. I love my buds. I don't know what I would do with out my friends. Seriously! I love them. We laugh so much! I think that is why I love my job so much! I have the Good Life!
Friday, June 11, 2010
Grey, Hunter, Scan's Results
This week! Well, let's see - I started off by searching for a new car. Oh dear was that an adventure. Not my favorite thing to do. It caused some arguments in the Garrett household. I knew what I wanted but didn't know if it would fit my budget. I had two great guys helping me but it's just never the same when you are going to be driving it. Last Friday I had actually driven a Ford Escape Limited I really liked at Park Cities Ford. It had all the bells and whistles and some I didn't need, but they seem to want to work with me on the price. They are Cowboy fans too there (a big perk in my book)! So, I went back on Monday to look and drive the car again. I left there on Monday with I want the car, let me see about the financing.
Tuesday, we had our local association's luncheon. Great day. Dave DeGreef spoke on the Advocacy Program and giving back to our industry. It's time for me to start giving back to this industry that has given so much to me. I also said that I would join the board. It's time.
I also said a big YES to the Ford Escape - yep I made a decision and picked up that baby that afternoon around 5:00. I was a little sad to see "Blue" go. We've experience a ton together. She had been with me 10 years. I bought her in April of 2000 when I joined Adva-Lite. She had been thru those 5 years and now my 5 years at Evans. It was time for a new vehicle. "Grey" has come home. She's a beauty! I owe a ton of thanks to Byron for all the help in assisting me with this. And the guys at Park Cities Ford here in Dallas. They were great, no pressure, just gentlemen. I'd recommend them to anyone, even my 71 year old mother.
Wednesday, I took my Anniversary Hire Date off and Chance and I went and picked up Little Man Hunter. Yep, we had a play date. We went to the Aquarium and he loved it. He got to feed the bird a blueberry and he saw the sharks. He had a HUGE time. He even said T-Lee when he didn't think anyone was paying attention. He was sitting in his car seat and we were headed down the road and all of a sudden he said "T-Lee". Chance and I both heard it. He was so good all day long. He came home and took a 2 hour nap. He got up and ate a huge lunch and he loves mandarin oranges. He watch a show with Uncle Chance and then he and I played and we wore our booots. He loves his boots. Chance took him home later that evening. I was worn out but so glad we did it.
Thursday, I had a day of appointments and nothing too exciting. Scans were yesterday evening. Today was chemo day! I did have one appointment today, which I normally never do and now I know why. I was so wiped out by the time I got home at noon that I barely made it to the sofa.
Now the good news from the scans. The radiation is killing the stupid tumor on my lung. It has shrunk from a ping pong/golf ball size down to a pebble size. The liver tumor has not grown. The bone cancer has not grown either. They are encouraged that the lung tumor has done so well with this radiation. This is the one that they just didn't think there was much hope for last year and here it is shrinking. Nanabooboo! Whacha gonna do now!!!
Anyway, just goes to show you - don't go giving death sentences. Well, that's my week in review. I can't think of anything else. It's a crazy life, but it's my life and I wouldn't trade it for the world.
Tuesday, we had our local association's luncheon. Great day. Dave DeGreef spoke on the Advocacy Program and giving back to our industry. It's time for me to start giving back to this industry that has given so much to me. I also said that I would join the board. It's time.
I also said a big YES to the Ford Escape - yep I made a decision and picked up that baby that afternoon around 5:00. I was a little sad to see "Blue" go. We've experience a ton together. She had been with me 10 years. I bought her in April of 2000 when I joined Adva-Lite. She had been thru those 5 years and now my 5 years at Evans. It was time for a new vehicle. "Grey" has come home. She's a beauty! I owe a ton of thanks to Byron for all the help in assisting me with this. And the guys at Park Cities Ford here in Dallas. They were great, no pressure, just gentlemen. I'd recommend them to anyone, even my 71 year old mother.
Wednesday, I took my Anniversary Hire Date off and Chance and I went and picked up Little Man Hunter. Yep, we had a play date. We went to the Aquarium and he loved it. He got to feed the bird a blueberry and he saw the sharks. He had a HUGE time. He even said T-Lee when he didn't think anyone was paying attention. He was sitting in his car seat and we were headed down the road and all of a sudden he said "T-Lee". Chance and I both heard it. He was so good all day long. He came home and took a 2 hour nap. He got up and ate a huge lunch and he loves mandarin oranges. He watch a show with Uncle Chance and then he and I played and we wore our booots. He loves his boots. Chance took him home later that evening. I was worn out but so glad we did it.
Thursday, I had a day of appointments and nothing too exciting. Scans were yesterday evening. Today was chemo day! I did have one appointment today, which I normally never do and now I know why. I was so wiped out by the time I got home at noon that I barely made it to the sofa.
Now the good news from the scans. The radiation is killing the stupid tumor on my lung. It has shrunk from a ping pong/golf ball size down to a pebble size. The liver tumor has not grown. The bone cancer has not grown either. They are encouraged that the lung tumor has done so well with this radiation. This is the one that they just didn't think there was much hope for last year and here it is shrinking. Nanabooboo! Whacha gonna do now!!!
Anyway, just goes to show you - don't go giving death sentences. Well, that's my week in review. I can't think of anything else. It's a crazy life, but it's my life and I wouldn't trade it for the world.
Saturday, June 5, 2010
God and His Angels
May I say how much I love home! Home is my healing place. This weekend the Lman is out of town and I have the whole place to myself and I've been chillin most of the day. I'm anxious for him to get back. I'm in the process of wanting to buy a new car and I need his help. I detest car shopping, if it weren't the need for a new one, I wouldn't do it. Do you buy a new or used? What brand? What's the best deal for the money? When you talk to one dealership, they try to convince you of theirs, you talk to another and theirs is better. I'd rather have alcohol dripped into the veins of my eyeballs than shop for a new car. And people wonder why I haven't purchased a new one in ten years. Here's the reason! Thank goodness my friend Byron has offered to help with this shopping thing too. He's an angel. And I need angels! God always puts angels right where I need them.
I have a lazy week planned. Hunter is coming on Wednesday for a T-Lee and Uncle Chance play date. I'm excited. I have a scan also this week. I have radiation 3 times this week and chemo. I keep waiting for the day, I turn the lights out and I glow. It is going to happen. I just know it! I don't ask for much, but if I could have a couple of prayers this week, a prayer for good news from the scans and finding the right vehicle for the right price. Not much!
Oh and maybe some patience with my upstair's neighbors. They have been hammering and tearing up carpeting and I guess laying new flooring for like the past 6 weeks. They love working late into the night and love getting up at 4:18 (no joke) in the AM. I'm on my last nerve with them. When I first moved in last year I never heard the guy, he gets a wife and like I said the past 6 weeks, it has been terrible. An older couple! Geez - I want to say, "human being lives below you, could you at least stop working about 8 and let me sleep". I'm a little cranky. Sorry - just venting. Thought I might feel better and I do or maybe it's the Valium kicking in. LOL!
Today, I celebrated an anniversary! 5 years ago today I joined Evans Manufacturing as a rep. Pretty good, I think. It was also 5 years at this time that I was cancer free. Wish I had that time back. It came roaring back that next spring in a routine scan. Wow, the things your brain will not forget. This I will not forget - the fight I still have left in me! Today when I was feeling a little down, I was reading some of the quotes and inspirational things people wrote to me. It still amazes me that I inspire. TJ Garrett inspires others. I just don't get it! But one couple wrote just about the same thing, that their wish for me was that I could speak to others about my positive attitude. That is my secret wish. I'd like to speak to those that are feeling down, that I would like to do. I'd also like to let high schoolers know that all actions have consequences but you can do things with your life.
Today as I was waiting to pick up some food, I met Alice. She's 70, sweet, her mother is 93 - March 9 is her birth date (she loves to play bingo and she still works at the church for 3 days a week - now this is the 93 year old Mother! - Pisces like myself -my birthday is March 7th as I told her). Miss Alice has grown children, been married, has a boyfriend of 33 years that she doesn't live with "Mr. Charlie", and she likes it like that. Any way, Miss Alice said that I reminded her of her mother, "not age wise, but smart and always wanted to read and keep busy". I guess me reading the paper waiting for my meal today. She said "you keep it up, my mother is 93 and still smart as a whip". I hope to live that long Miss Alice from Dallas, from the Palace as she told me. God as angels for me everywhere.
I have a lazy week planned. Hunter is coming on Wednesday for a T-Lee and Uncle Chance play date. I'm excited. I have a scan also this week. I have radiation 3 times this week and chemo. I keep waiting for the day, I turn the lights out and I glow. It is going to happen. I just know it! I don't ask for much, but if I could have a couple of prayers this week, a prayer for good news from the scans and finding the right vehicle for the right price. Not much!
Oh and maybe some patience with my upstair's neighbors. They have been hammering and tearing up carpeting and I guess laying new flooring for like the past 6 weeks. They love working late into the night and love getting up at 4:18 (no joke) in the AM. I'm on my last nerve with them. When I first moved in last year I never heard the guy, he gets a wife and like I said the past 6 weeks, it has been terrible. An older couple! Geez - I want to say, "human being lives below you, could you at least stop working about 8 and let me sleep". I'm a little cranky. Sorry - just venting. Thought I might feel better and I do or maybe it's the Valium kicking in. LOL!
Today, I celebrated an anniversary! 5 years ago today I joined Evans Manufacturing as a rep. Pretty good, I think. It was also 5 years at this time that I was cancer free. Wish I had that time back. It came roaring back that next spring in a routine scan. Wow, the things your brain will not forget. This I will not forget - the fight I still have left in me! Today when I was feeling a little down, I was reading some of the quotes and inspirational things people wrote to me. It still amazes me that I inspire. TJ Garrett inspires others. I just don't get it! But one couple wrote just about the same thing, that their wish for me was that I could speak to others about my positive attitude. That is my secret wish. I'd like to speak to those that are feeling down, that I would like to do. I'd also like to let high schoolers know that all actions have consequences but you can do things with your life.
Today as I was waiting to pick up some food, I met Alice. She's 70, sweet, her mother is 93 - March 9 is her birth date (she loves to play bingo and she still works at the church for 3 days a week - now this is the 93 year old Mother! - Pisces like myself -my birthday is March 7th as I told her). Miss Alice has grown children, been married, has a boyfriend of 33 years that she doesn't live with "Mr. Charlie", and she likes it like that. Any way, Miss Alice said that I reminded her of her mother, "not age wise, but smart and always wanted to read and keep busy". I guess me reading the paper waiting for my meal today. She said "you keep it up, my mother is 93 and still smart as a whip". I hope to live that long Miss Alice from Dallas, from the Palace as she told me. God as angels for me everywhere.
Wednesday, June 2, 2010
Random thoughts~
Do you want to inspire? Do you want to make a difference? I do so badly! I want to! I just don't know how. I would love do something to make someone feel better, laugh, see themselves in a way. Just talk to them when they are feeling down so they wouldn't feel lonely. I know sometimes when you don't feel well that if you just had someone to share that with you would feel better. I have thought about going back to school and becoming a therapist. BUT, would I really make someone better or worse. Do I have the time to do this.
I went for a 5 mile plus walk with the gals on Monday. It was so nice. I'm so proud of this new team. They are so fun to be around and are going to be so good for the 3Day. God has put them here now for a reason.
I'm in Houston this week. Headed back home tomorrow. I'm ready - taking a couple of days off next week. Hunter is coming to visit his T-Lee and I need some down time. It is scan time and I always get a little crazy during that time, cranky is more like it.
I went for a 5 mile plus walk with the gals on Monday. It was so nice. I'm so proud of this new team. They are so fun to be around and are going to be so good for the 3Day. God has put them here now for a reason.
I'm in Houston this week. Headed back home tomorrow. I'm ready - taking a couple of days off next week. Hunter is coming to visit his T-Lee and I need some down time. It is scan time and I always get a little crazy during that time, cranky is more like it.
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