pain this week and talk about Taylor Cheyenne

It's been a week. I've been in pain, the pain that the meds just weren't stopping. No matter the time or quantity I was taking would not stop or assist in stopping the pain. I don't know if you've ever been in pain and can't make it stop - it gets to a point of where you just want to either drink yourself intoxicated or over medicate or just put yourself out of pain the only way left - death. This along with only being able to sleep about 3 hours at a time at night is really catching up with me. My doctor's thought if I went to a support group that it would help me, it only made it worse for me. These people just moan and groan, I at least can laugh about what's going on with me and then cry but I can't cry about having cancer 24/7, I just can not do it. I need to be around people than can respond to me with "what type of cheese would you like with your whine". That is what I need. My doctors have compounded some new pain and sleep meds and I started on those on Friday night and finally got 6 and 8 hours of sleep Saturday and Sunday and on Saturday even was able to get a good 5 hour nap and today a good 4 hour nap. These are just things my body is going to have to have more of. My physicians are hoping that the new mix of meds will help me.

Sarah came for a visit on Friday night. It was such a pleasure to have her here to visit and spend time with. I miss her. I've always felt she is my daughter. I will always hold a special place in my heart for her. I'm proud of what she's done in her life. She's going on to coach at Nocono this next year and I'm a proud "half-Mother". I hope to keep in touch with her more.

Then on Saturday night I had someone call my cell phone and ask for Cheyenne. It took my breath away. My Taylor Cheyenne would have been 20 years old and sounded like the young girl on the phone. It broke my heart and I caught my breath. There were so many things going thru my head "was this a joke", "did they know", should I say that my Cheyenne had died years ago. All I said was "you must have the wrong number". It brought back the memories of our family discussing what we were going to call our little girl. Eddy, and the boys wanted to call her Cheyenne. The way Chance pronounced Cheyenne. It was so cute. They wanted to keep that country name. I wanted Taylor. Little Miss Taylor. It was close to my name Talana. She and her mom would have matching names TCG and TJG. I thought that would be cute. Taylor and Talana had 6 letters in their names just like Lariat and Chance. How cool! Mother finally won. i loved that little girl!