Take That Cancer

I did it! Not by myself of course! But I managed the last week of the hardest days. Less than 4 months ago I never imagined that I would be sitting in a Hotel Room in downtown Minneapolis writing my blog about just walking the 3Day here. Having a huge tumor removed from me sitting on my sofa that week in April there was no way I thought I would be doing this today. But with the grace of God and the support of the Encouragement and Nourishment team I did it. Take that Cancer. I always call this week of our show week - Hell Week. First it begins in Dallas at the MAPPS show. You set up on Sunday, Show on Monday. I flew to Houston this time love those $59.00 dollar flights. And thanks to great friends like the Pauley's and Mr. Deveau to help with hauling and shipping I was able to get items here and there. So on Tuesday was Set up for HPPA show and then Wednesday the Show and flew home that evening. On Thursday, I did all the follow up and samples and flew out on Thursday to MN for th 3Day event. Dinner with Reed and Lorenzo was Awesome! A little sushi and we were doing great! Friday began the event of a lifetime (I say that each time - I know). This is my 5th 3Day and each one is a awing event in my book. It's like I've never walked another. Opening always makes me cry - I don't care how many times I've done it. The pictures Laura took were so endearing. Our Encouragement and Nourishment team is great (Laura, Heidi, Greg, Reed). We could not do this walk without them!!! The cities in MN came out in full force. I love them and so did our Angels. The weather was perfect. The view incredible. We were able to sit on Jody's couch and take a picture. Jody was a woman who after every treatment just wanted to come home and sit on her burgundy couch and after she passed away her husband brings that couch out on the 3Day and sits it in the best views on the route and allows walkers to sit and take pictures on it. It's an incredible story! I had read about and could not wait to see it. Yes, I'm bawling as I write this. I was able to get a button with Jody's picture on it and she will walk with me from now on. I gave her husband a huge hug and told him thank you. We had to walk up stairs to cross a highway - we I reach the top I scream out over the expressway - "F U Cancer" and I have to say, that made me feel so much better. I finished 17.5 for the first day. Much more than the the 5 I had promised the doctor. Saturday, we started early and thankful with a full cup of coffee. I didn't know at times if I was going to be able to finish but by gosh I was going to do it. At lunch Shelley, Alyssa and Tracey joined us and I swear that gave me a little energy. I forgot to show Tracey that I had her sister, Snooks' picture on my "memory hook". She lost her battle from breast cancer and I carry her with me when I walk. I was happy for my TX friends to meet my MN friends. That always makes my day. Shelley gave us a fantastic dinner suggestion and we went to Acqua for dinner. OMG was she right. Great food near the water. Sunday, it was difficult to crawl out of bed but we did it. Again, with coffee in hand we headed out. Minnesota nice is so right. These people AWE me. I love them and I would love to come back and do this walk again. So, I have blisters and a few bruises. I love, love, these people. They rival the TX people in hospitality. Sunday, we sat down for a long lunch then we kicked some booty up a hill and saw a perfect hilltop view of downtown St. Paul. It was worth every pain to get up that hilltop. We ended up raising 5.3 million with 2100 walkers. I won't stop walking until I find a cure. We cleaned up and headed out for a surprise dinner. Our crazy Encouragement and Nourishment team had surprised us with a dinner boat sunset cruise on Lake Minnetonka. Our own private cruise - Just Us!!!. I loved it. 15 of us on a boat eating, drinking. Having the time of our lives. I'm looking back to less than 4 months ago sitting on my sofa and thinking I wouldn't be walking this - I just did it! Take that cancer!

Who is on your side?

Well this past week has been a doozy! Saturday after I posted and got up out of bed and on with my day I knew I wasn't feeling my best. I was out doing some shopping, picking up a few things for the 3Day next weekend and kept having a sharp stabbing pain in my right calf. I finally cut my trip short and came home to wrap it in some heat and relax it thinking I had a muscle pull. I rested most of the day and then went and met Lariat and the Hunter "man" for some dinner. I love that little boy. He is so fun and he's turned 3 on Friday the 12th. He's just amazing. I received kisses and hugs and he was amazed at the shark hanging at Joe's Crab Shack. He wanted to come home with me but then decided that he would miss his Daddy and ended up going home with him. I understood.

Sunday, I woke up with my leg feeling worse and I laid around with alternating ice and heat and taking Advil and it wasn't getting better. I thought I might have a DVT but as I told the L-man and Chancer. I would rather have a clot hit my brain than go sit in the ER. SERIOUSLY! Finally Monday I went to the doctor. I had a doppler on the leg and she called on Monday evening to say, yepper - It's DVT. I started on blood thinners. They've had to give me Heparin shots in my stomach - the first thing I said was "I don't have rabies". Seriously! I have 60 miles to walk next weekend!! The doctor is like a little exercise is good for you BUT...Really. She doesn't get me. It was like the perfect storm in my body happened. I have cancer, I travel a ton, I started taking a new drugs for the hot flashes, and my body finally went "let's throw a clot". My doctor said it was bound to happen eventually, it's just a good thing I was home and smart enough to come in.

The meds I'm on have made me feel like crap, flu like symptoms. I just have been feeling like crud the past couple of days. This morning I was crying and told the L-man, I don't question Him very often but with everything coming up, shows, the 3Day walk, so much, why now, why this, I don't need Him to do this to me". L said "honey, this was not His fault, this was man made, He will heal you just as He as before. Don't be doubtful now, just believe.". I just broke down and sobbed because he was right, I was doubting when I needed to be leaning on the Man the most. I was allowing the strongest devil thoughts to edge in on my thoughts that He walks with me every single day. As long as I ask, He will carry me when I need Him to. He has before. I'm in love with one smart man. Just don't tell him! LOL!

I went to a gluten free store today. I'm so excited! They had breads and sweets and trail mix and bars for me to eat. And the best part - it tasted great! I was able to buy some bars for me to eat during the 3Day next weekend. It is so important for me to be able to eat something that has nuts and fruits but no gluten to upset my stomach. And their cinnamon pecan rolls were delicious. I purchased 3 loaves of bread that you can freeze and thaw when needed. It is owned by a Mother and Daughter and the Daughter's name is Taylor.

Yesterday was Hunter's birthday. He turned 3. I can't believe 3 years have zoomed by. Oh my! I love him, love him, love him.

I have shows here in Dallas Monday, fly out to Houston on Tuesday, show in Houston, fly home on Wednesday, fly to MN on Thursday, walk 60 miles on Friday, Saturday and Sunday. Fly home on Monday, Fly to KS on Tuesday, show on Wednesday, meetings and fly home on Thursday. I'm not busy at all. I may have a clot but I also have God on my side. Who is on yours?

Time Wasters!

I've been home all week! Seriously, it feels like a mini vacation with work. Sleeping in my own bed each night and eating good food. Oh, it feels good.

On a Monday night I was vacuuming my own floors and no it was not my fairy godmother doing it - though I have thought about getting another cleaning service to come in and help me again. Though I did promise myself that that expense is just that an expense.

Tuesday after work I went and joined Jason to help celebrate his birthday. Oh dear how I love him and this gang we call the Angels. I still don't know how they came to accept me as one of them but I love them. We will be walking in MN in just a couple of weeks and WOW it will be an adventure. Sharla is still dearly missed and I know she smiles down everyday on how her precious brother has made her fight with breast cancer his mission to destroy it now. Our team is AWESOME. Jason's birthday celebration was a blast and we had some fun.

Tuesday I had to have some cancerous places removed off of my body again. 2 from my chest, 1 off my back, 1 off the back of my head (very small precious hair loss), 1 from lower left leg, 1 from the bikini area (most concerned about - mole looked very suspicious). Damn things grow better than the grass here in TX does. SERIOUSLY!

My big complaint this week is TIME WASTERS. I'm sick of them! Let me explain. Tuesday I go to see a new dermatologist. I get there 30 minutes ahead of schedule as they indicated since I'm a new patient, they had called on Friday to verify my insurance and I had even offered to fax in my paperwork but oh no, just bring it in. My appointment time comes and goes. I swear when they give you that time it should really say "Appointment time: good luck sucker" Anyway finally called back, nurse goes over why you are there - never under stand this because you have to say the same darn thing to the doctor when they come in. I say I'm there for a full body check - wait another 35 minutes. Doctor comes in and she sits down, asks me a few questions (note this), then states she needs a full body check, I needs to be in a gown, "Let me step out a moment, while you change.". Now, I'm already undressing out of my shorts and top. I'm not modest and the nurses (yes there are two for some dumb reason) is telling me to leave on my undergarments. They step out, so 5, 10, 15 minutes go by and I'm fuming. I put back on my clothes, gather my things and step into the hallway and the nurse with the blond hair and an attitude (like I don't have one myself) wants to know where I'm going. I explain a "moment" to me is less than a minute and my time happens to be valuable and not 15 minutes of moments. She tells me the doctor is coming right now. I said "right now as in by the time I turn around and get my clothes off right now". I was still undressed and sitting on the table 2 minutes later when the witch came in. She states "you got undressed faster than I thought" Bullshit, you just wasted my time! I swear! Now with the cutting and burning, Time Wasted: 2 hours 45 minutes

Sunday, I go to pick up prescriptions (I take a few!!!). The pharmacist states "do you have a new card for this one drug, the card seems to not be working". I said well it is good until the 12-31. Now, this means I have to go home, wait til Monday, call about the card, it is still good, but they allow me to print another, go back, to the pharmacy on Wednesday, give the card another pharmacist there, he gives me the card back (after 15 minutes), tells me I have to activate the card (I had left my phone in the car to charge) didn't even offer me to use their phone and it is 106 here in Dallas, I walk out to my car, activate the card (cell coverage in TARGET (yes I'm stating their name since their service was crappy this week), and when I get back inside, I ask "what happened to the original card on file that is still good. The pharmacist said "you have one on file?". Why yes Jackass I do. He goes back behind the little counter and comes back 10 minutes later and states "oh I ran the prescription on the original card and it went thru just fine. I don't know what happened the first time, I didn't run it the first time". Do you want this card back (the card I just went out to activate". Hell YES!. Time Wasted: 45 minutes! not including my Sunday and Monday on the phone and Internet. Time Wasters!!!!

I can count so many times this week of people questioning something I've done or said. Someone in customer service thinking I didn't know the colors a product came in and wasted 20 minutes of my time so I could track down that information, etc.. So, I'm asking you, think about what you do. Will it cost someone time? Think about your response, your actions in traffic, will allowing that one car in really cost you time, sometimes, it will get you there faster, yes, think about it. Think about your spouse or friend, is there something you can do to save them time. Perhaps you are going to the grocery store, same cleaners, post office. And maybe the best time saver of all. Listen!

Seriously Blessed!

I'm lying here in bed on a Saturday morning wondering why in the heck when I want to sleep in I can't. Seriously. I so wanted to sleep late this AM. I'm annoyed at myself but I'll get myself back, I'll nap this afternoon.

I'm a little excited, I'm home for the next couple of weeks. I'm going to relish every single second because on the 14th I begin an eleven week travel cycle that is going to be HELL. Yep, I said it. So, the next couple of weeks, I'm taking it a bit easy or as easy as I can, with figuring out how to get one booth in twenty different locations and and everything else. Planning is so critical in my job too and no one thinks of that either. Seriously! That's why I do what I do!

Some really cool things came together this week. You guys know I do these AMAZING 3Day walks. I'm participating in two this year. One here in Dallas in November and then in 3 weeks - YES - 3 weeks in MN. Well, my friend Bob Black gave our team 40 Izod POLO shirts, they are beautiful wicking shirts and then a very dear distributor friend of mine, Jay Jacobus of Scarborough Specialties is assisting me in embroidering those shirts. Then last night I opened a box and there were the Drawstring bags that Sonny of Landes Bags and my precious friend Nancy Jolley had donated to our team. We are going to put the shirts in them and deliver them to the teammates as a surprise. These bags will be a great assest as we come off the walk, undressing (layers people) we can place the items in the bags. They are so perfect and our team is so blessed. I'm so blessed to have friends to ask favors of. Seriously, my friends are going to start running when they hear my name. This is all for a great cause. I'm on a personal mission to wipe out cancer. I think I can do it! Seriously,there is something within, that makes me believe I can do it, either with these walks or with the fact that I take every drug they throw at me to try. I believe one of these drugs is a future healer, maybe not in my lifetime but in the future. I can just see some doctor going "A Ha, this is it!". Picture something you want, say it out loud.". I believe it can happen.

I spent this week at my mother's while on calls in the San Antonio area. I said I should get hazard pay since I don't pay for a hotel while in the area. I love my Mom but you know how it is when you are busy all day and try to come back to someones house and do your work too. Oh my gosh. I would try to go to by bedroom at night but that didn't work because she would follow me back there too. I can tell she is lonely. Bless her heart.

My precious younger son Chance received great news on Monday. He is the newest officer with the Rhome Police Department. He will start in 2 weeks full time with them. He's been volunteering with them to keep his credentials and working full time for Weatherford as an 911 Operator. We are so proud of him! "If you find a job you love, you'll never work a day in your life". I was told that one day and I truly believe it. I love what I do and I know this is Chance's dream job as well. Love him much! God protects him everyday, so I don't have to worry about him. He is in good hands.

I'm hoping to get all the children together in the next couple of weeks. Hunter turns 3 on August 12th. Can't believe 3 years have nearly flown by.

PET Scan results are in and I look good. Oh, I know I look good, but all looks good for me and in me. Liver tumor has remained in it's steady pattern of no growth. Bone cancer is at a steady no growth. The tumor that was on my lung and the one on my brain so NOTHING!!!!! So long SUCKERS! So this week I'm feeling Seriously Blessed!

HOT in bed alright!

I've been training my rear off - walking almost everyday. The only day I haven't walked in the last week was Saturday and that is because I traveled in the middle of the night. Jeez! So many things, it seems like the past 10 days have flown by. I'm gearing up for the walk, preparing my body is so hard. People always wonder, how can you do a 3Day walk. How can you not? I have this passion to find a cure, a cure for cancer and I want it soon. No, I don't have breast cancer but I do have cancer and I want to be cured. So, if they find a cure for BC, they will for other cancers, I'm just sure of it.

Most of you know that when I awaken I mediate. I rest my mind for about 5 minutes, then I think about cancer leaving my body for about 5 minutes and then I pray for a few minutes that God will lead my physicians and the researchers around the world to a cure for cancer. I realize that one may not be found in my lifetime, I'm just hopeful.

Things have been busy, travel is in full force lately. I wrote on Facebook the other day that Home is where I do laundry, have sexual relations and repack. Seriously!

I went to the gynecologist on Tuesday to see about the dang nightsweats. OMG! They were getting so bad. First of all, she still can't believe how quickly I was up and about after this last bout with the TUMOR!! She was greatful that Dr. I. was able to get the tumor via daVinci and said he was still shocked it was not cancer and he was able to get that "sucker" with 5 little holes. She was so good about helping me decide on a treatment for the flashes and sweats since I can't really do a man made hormone. We're going to try one even though it is not recommeneded for a cancer patient. She and my oncologist did a conference call and they decided that we should try this treatment. I'm still having the night sweats BUT she said it could take up to 4 weeks. My oncologist will be looking for any elevations, even the tinest. Let's pray there aren't any because the honey needs to sleep with someone that isn't soaking the bed in sweat! How romantic! Yeah, I'm HOT in bed all right! LOL!

There you are Girl - Welcome Back

Yes, I fell off planet blog - but I'm back. I had the nodes checked out and was told the cancer had spread to my lymph nodes. Aaaahhh shit is the first thing I will say. The surgeon wanted to wait and see. That is always something I want to do with cancer, NOT! He did send me down to a ear, nose and throat guy because he didn't think that was causing my ear trouble though. That ENT JERK by the way gave me a run around and cost my insurance a pretty penny - I'll talk about that in a minute. Anyway, long story short. After another MRI/CT scan the first of this week it appears that there is NO cancer in the lymph node system. Early happy dance (not pretty) but hopeful on my part that we are looking at clear nodes here. Now my doctors at Southwest still want to do a PET Scan (was suppose to be done on Friday- I didn't follow eating orders, YES, there are eating orders to this scan, first it is high in protein, not carbs. I did the opposite. OK people it had been a year for me for this particular scan and I went out of my way to get a baked potato so I could have carbs and then there is a no coffee for 24 hours, first of all can we say BITCH if there is no coffee in TJ in those 24 hours. That is 2 mornings with out coffee people. She is not pretty or NICE. Forget the Pretty, let's talk nice.). So, PET scan in a couple of weeks rescheduled - still have issues with the no coffee in 24 hours-Just saying there will most likely need to be a notice put in the paper for the NO COFFEE in TJ - LOOK OUT WORLD! So I don't know what the first radiologist was looking at on the scan or if and yes I do believe that prayers are answered. The PET scan will show very detailed tumors so if they are there in the nodes they will show up. Here is is my thought, I'm not worried. I've been blessed so far and God had really carried me thru all of this and I mean all of this and I'm not going to get upset about this too much. Yes, I still have my pity parties but they are small and limited to a time frame and then I must get over and get on with my life. Do I sit in bed all day(sometimes on the weekend - yes) do I feel bad (yes) will I stay in bed for a full day because I feel bad (not during the week). I have a job, responsibilities, I need to get on with life and do it. Sure I'd love to say feel sorry for me that I have cancer but thank goodness I also have friends that keep me in check and don't treat me as if I'm sickly. Oh dear God, I think that I would be the most depressed person if they all treated me like I was some sickly individual. OH I would hate it.

What else ... decided to do the 3Day walk in MN - the Twin Cities. I was a little doubtful here. OK first of all I had this issue with my ear. Let's go back to the first ENT. I thought it was the lymph node pressing on my ear. The first guy said it was me clenching my jaw at night grinding my teeth. Gave me a weeks worth of Valium and I would me fine. NOT! Wasted my time - I didn't even get the prescription filled as I know I don't clench or grind my teeth. Finally got in to see a good ENT, come to find out, it is allergies. Nasonex and some allergy meds everyday and the clogging in my ear is so much better, no dizziness, no popping, no clicking sound all in under a week!. So don't go see Dr. Gary Goldsmith and waste your money. Dr. Gamble will at least look at your ear in depth and take the time to listen to what you are saying. Thank goodness. Now that I know what is going on with the ears. And I went on a gluten free diet about 6 weeks ago, started putting on some weight, OK 2 pounds, but for me this is major. I didn't what was causing me to still have major stomach issues (i won't go into all the details here) but I couldn't figure this all out. Even after my surgery I was having issues. So I cut glutens out of my diet, OMG. Do I feel BETTER, the bloating, gas has stopped. I don't have to wait all day to eat now because I know I don't have to worry about where the bathroom is located(if you know what I mean). Now, I can do the walk and feel good.

So, Thursday, I signed up for MN - Twin Cities. Bad news, it is 6 weeks away. Good news - I will be walking with my bestest buds. I love the Sharla Schooley's Angels. Sharla is an Angel now, her brother Jason is our leader, our mentor, not my blood brother, but I claim him as my brother. Jason and I can go weeks with out talking and then talk like we haven't been apart. I love the other mates, Lorenzo, Linda, Jana, Greg, Jerry - we have like 18 total members - only 6 will be walking in MN. When you walk with them, the 20 miles every day, seem to just melt by. OK, some don't but I wouldn't want to walk with anyone else. I just have a passion to find a cure for this disease called cancer. It's rotten, it's one of the worst, and every time I hear someone stricken with it, no matter if it is breast, kidney, liver, skin. I detest it. So this year I will walk in two walks again. Twin Cities and Dallas with the team. In April I was doubtful I could do it, I thought I would be too weak and I was told I couldn't do it(that was a no,no!) But yesterday and today, I did two 3 mile training walks and you know what my body surprised me. I felt the old walker tj in there. She was not only wanting to come back she was shouting "There you are girl - Welcome back."

Seriously...again!

Last Saturday I had to have a CT scan and an MRI on my neck and head. I have had this fullness filling in my right ear for over 2 months. Like you have fluid in it, but you don't and I needed to check my pituitary tumor - that little thing that has hung around forever to torment me too. I swear my body loves me. First of all, I was suppose to have just a CT scan on early Friday morning before work but after sitting there 45 minutes I was told their machine was down could I come back tomorrow. Oh yeah, just what I want to do on a friggin Saturday morning. Then I get there and they tell me "Oh we want to do a full MRI too" Is some one's car payment due this week. So two scans and two injected dyes. My kidneys loved that! So an hour and half later I walked out of there. I loved Cancer!!! Love it! I'm just so glad it has picked me and not someone else in my family! SERIOUSLY!

Well after coming down with my honey's virus over the weekend. I wanted to kill him. I think I said I hated him so many times (I really didn't mean it - but it did make me feel better when I was blowing my nose and feeling crappy - try it next time you are sick - just say - I hate john black! - It makes you feel better!). Poor guy - he takes a lot of crap from me. I don't deserve him! I don't! I had good trips in Tulsa, Stillwater, Springfield, Mo and then finally home on Thursday evening. I could go into how I just about got into a cat fight with the drunk biker chick sitting in the middle seat next to me and thought I was going to have to call a flight attendant to settle her as down one more time if she called me a "librarian" but I'll leave that hilarious story for another story.

Anyway yesterday, I go to my Dr., who by the way I couldn't love any more than family. Bless his heart, he hates to give me bad news. So he tells me the Pituitary has not grown BUT that there is a mass behind my right ear. OK, I knew this was coming with all the symptoms (dizziness, fullness in the ear, swollen gland - either something or my wild imagination - don't think so). So, now I have to go thru the process of ruling out the big C again there. What the F...., excuse the language but really. Trying to find a surgeon to see me that will deal with the ear area - lots of nerves, one that was actually in on a Friday and would see me on a Monday to even look at it was HELL. My doctor was calling, I was calling to see which were on my insurance, etc. Pain in the butt. By this time, I'm beginning to have a little bit of the OK, What the HELL is NEXT feeling. By the time I got home, the 36 jello shots in my fridge and 1/2 of a bottle of Xanax was looking appitizing. Seriously! I had to call Jane to talk be down off the ledge. I settled for 2 Advil, 1 Xananx and some food finally. My doctor texted me a note to tell me the surgeon we settled on is the one who just did his (he has stage 4 cancer himself), so I feel a little better. Just another little hurdle, I'm just stumbling a little here at the moment. God has seen me thru so much, I'm just wondering how many more I can be seen thru. I try not to admit it, but it gets scary sometimes. I want to get this body BACK! I want to get me back! I'm so tired of being poked and prodded by doctors - sometimes I just want to rebel and scream and what I want to scream is just not nice. Seriously! All I can ask is God to walk me thru this journey too. Hold me and today He may just have to carry me because I just don't think I can make the journey alone, BUT thank goodness I know I don't have too. Seriously!

Another Surgery

Thursday I spent another day in another hospital. This time I was having a Basal Cell Carcinoma cut out of my lower right eye lid. I was more nervous about this surgery than I was about the large tumor in my abdomen. Why, was it because it was on my face - was it because I couldn't be blessed twice? Honestly, I couldn't tell myself to let this go. I arrived at the facility and as surgery they were running late (as always). My nerves were just getting the best of me. As I lay there I prayed that God would just give me peace and settle my nerves. I could handle every thing else, just give me calm. As the nurse came in and was making a pin cushion out of me - even though I was trying to tell her which veins to use. Finally she said, "I should listen to you, you know your veins.". She stopped and stated she'd let the anesthesiologist start the IV since she apparently couldn't. Seriously! By the time the OR nurse came and the anesthesiologist and the doctor got in there I was just about ready to go home. I told Dr. Merritt, that I really didn't appreciate the fact that his office charged me 100.00 for having to reschedule my appointment for a medical reason but he can be an hour and 40 minutes late for my surgery and it is no big deal. I could have stayed home another hour and half and not been up there sitting around doing nothing.

The surgery went great. As Carol the OR nurse stated, Dr. Merritt was worth the wait. I had twilight sedation and I can't remember anything after the medication hit my system. My eye does look good. Surgery started close to 1 and I was out of there by 3. He actually wanted to repair my left eye where I had a place removed 20 years ago but I wouldn't do it. I was so stressed out and I'm really glad I didn't. Icing one eye is hard enough. I slept thru most of Thursday evening and even Friday is a blur and that is on mild pain killers. The worst is I got sick off of the drugs they gave me on Friday evening (happens about 24 hours after a procedure with me). This happens every time, except with the da Vinci and they used the patch. I tried to tell the doctor but he didn't listen.

It's Saturday and I look pretty good. I still have to sleep in a reclining position for another couple of nights and ice my eye as often as I can. The good news is I'm thru with this surgery crap. The better news is I can get on with my life of fighting and beating cancer. My goal is to be Fabulous by Fifty and I'm just 10 months aways.

Reflecting...

I'm sitting here early in the AM reflecting a little thinking just how GOOD things are. Last week I got thru surgery that was suppose to be bad - it wasn't! I watched Prince William marry his Princess Cate as I watched his father 30 years ago early in the AM. I heard the terrible man (I refuse to utter his name) was killed that tried to destroy our nation on 9-11. God is good.

As I sat with my Sharla Schooley Angels and support team last night and enjoyed some food & fun of trivia. I just couldn't believe how great life is. How lucky we are to be in the US, how nice it is to be free, loved and to love the ones we are with no matter race or religion or choice of partner.

The group of ladies I was playing with "PINK TATAS" we racked up the points and won! So proud as we stuck to our gut instincts, ok sometimes we didn't, but when we did, we were so right. It made me realize to always go with my gut instinct. It has paid off for me in the past.

I went for my post op appointment yesterday, more good news there. Dr. Inzer said I'm doing great and wished all his patients did as well. Even better news is that he did a pre washing of the abdomen and a post washing and both came back clean, meaning that the liver is not throwing off cells. This is great news. I asked him what made the surgery so easy, he said easy for you since you were asleep but very difficult for me "but I had the hands of God with me that day". He said that I had asked for a prayer before they started. I don't remember since I was so doped. He said he's only done that twice in all the years he's been operating. I thanked him for trying this surgery, he was so doubtful and he admitted it, but now he has more of an open mind. He's not keen on me participating in two walks this year but he also knows I have a strong will. My goal is to be fabulous by 50. I only have until March 7th, 2012 to get this done and to wipe cancer out of my body. My goal is to do it. Everyone better get out of my way!

Seriously - God worked a miracle.

So much as gone on in the past 4 months. More than I really care to mention but so much I want to capture for myself. Let's start in January. I write this because if one woman is saved then I've done my job as a woman. I woke up everyday feeling bloaty and gassy. Yes I'm saying it. I even packed two different pairs of pants for my trip to Vegas for the PPAI show because I didn't know how my stomach would look on a given day. I was feeling tired. But in February, doctors were giving me the good news and I was feeling so much better that I was going from chemo every damn Friday to every other Friday. Do you know what type of celebrating was going on in this house. But in the bedroom, the man thought I was getting a little tighter from Kegel exercises or the Cialis was making him larger. But I knew sex was becoming a little uncomfortable for me but it's not something you really tell the man you love having sex with. I know this may be uncomfortable for some of you to read but it is so the truth. Of course I'm busy busy with work, traveling the country side, snow here in Dallas, and all the things going on. I'm a little on the bitchy side and very hormonal, BUT I'm also 48 years old and feeling like menopause is coming on. My birthday on March 7th was sweet, 49 and I had managed to survive all over the nearly 2 years since March 27th of 2009. I thought life was pretty good until the morning of March 12th. I woke up feeling really bad, pain on my left side, crampy, the Lman and I were trying to have sex and I felt like a log was trying to rip me a part. I spent the rest of the day in bed. I've had cysts before on my ovaries and I thought this is what was happening to me, I thought I could live thru it. The next day I was to drive to Houston on a Sunday, since I had an early morning appointment on Monday morning. I had arranged to see my son Lariat who is in rehab down there. The pain was awful and I honestly don't know how I did it. I got thru the two hour visit early that morning with him. I remember praying dear God, please get me thru this day. Lariat looked so great, the first time I've seen him sober since his teen years and remember he is 29. We had a nice visit and talked about what he will do when he gets out in May. That evening in my hotel, I worried if the cyst should rupture and I die in a hotel all by myself but I figured the good Lord has carried me thru so much, He was not about to let this happen to me. I got thru Monday and Tuesday of appointments barely. Now thru this I had sent in a call report with some brutally honest comments that on the way home in severe pain, my Manager calls to let me know I should never had sent, I'm driving the 5 hours home in pain, crying, praying that if I pass out, God allows me to not kill anyone but myself, and then the President of my company calls to "thank me for being honest" in my call report. Then I'm crying about that. I made it home that night. Now the next day I'm in an Occulant Plastic Surgeon's office and he's telling me that I have to have my right eyelid cut open and a cancer removed off of it. Scheduled April 21st. Ok, home, reports, packing because I'm moving Thursday and Friday. Yes, during all this I'm moving March 17th and 18th. I drove home on the 15th received the keys to my new place and began a move with a painful cyst. Thank goodness for my son Chance and his friend Stephanie as they came on Thursday and moved all the big items. The Lman was out of town and I did all the small stuff over the weekend. Left town on Tuesday, now the one thing I did do was make an appointment to see a new gynecologist on the following Friday the 25th. When I went to chemo on the 25th, my counts were so bad, they wouldn't even touch me and sent me straight home. When I arrived at the gyno, I was convinced it had to be the new meds for high cholesterol they had me on that had given me the massive diarrhea and was sure since the pain was a little better I was good. She felt my abdomen and was like girl this is massive. The ultrasound tech was like OMG this is big 4 inches by 4 inches all the way to your spine. Huge. Dr. McCants wanted surgery that following day, no way, I wanted to see someone to do less invasive, Dr. Inzer saw me that afternoon. They were convinced that the liver tumor had thrown off cancer or I had ovarian cancer. This was bad! I was stunned. This was March 25th - just 2 years ago on March 27th I had been given the worst news of my life, now I was told this. I was in shocked. I came home and beat the love seat in my home, I pounded at it. I'm not one to ask why, but I asked WHY! NOW?? I was feeling good. I just moved. I'm getting it together. Am I not seeing the path correctly? I withdrew. I felt so low. I didn't know where to turn. I had a month of appointments I felt I had to get done. So, I turned into my work. Dr. Inzer felt like he could try the da Vinci procedure. Less invasive he would want to do it soon, I would want to wait. Good Friday - Yes, April 22nd. Good Friday! I got thru the next weeks, busy weeks. I worked hard and kept busy, painful, I told those that would pray for me. I needed prayer, not only for my body, but for my soul and mind. I was weak, I turned to God every morning and night and sometimes during the day when I thought I would simply loose it. During my meditation in the morning I prayed for strength. I didn't have it, I was vomiting, diarrhea. I was loosing weight fast. ten pounds in 2 weeks. Finally the 22nd came. My good friend Jason picked me up for the hospital. Bless his heart 5:00 comes early, we arrived and I got settled, Laughter is the best medicine. Cute male nurses help too. The Lman arrived. Two of my favorite guys. Dr. Inzer told us that they would begin by making a small incision and looking inside. 4-5 hours length for the surgery to take place. I was ready. Scared - yes, confident in my doctor, yes. Dr. Inzer admitted, he thought it would need to come out in an abdominal surgery but he was good at the daVince too. I awoke in recovery, in severe pain but knew the daVince had been performed because I didn't feel a huge bandage on my tummy. I wasn't told anything - I had know idea what the tumor was. The nursing staff was horrible, confusion about getting my family in to see me, they would have to wait and were sent to meet me in my room, but finally about 1:20 I was wheeled down to the Hospital and saw my man with a thumbs up. He told me finally that it only took 2 hours, benign tumor, the doctor was shocked that all went so well himself. I was given a private room. I was left alone and that is when I got up to try to pee (conditions on going home) with two IVs in and climbing over bed rails. Jason, Chance and the Nurse were all like how did you get out of that bed. The Nurse pointed to the red button and said that stands for help. Jason said oh no - she doesn't do help well. Finally after a few hours I was able to pee and on my way home in 12hours from the time I arrived to the time I was released. Now the entire morale to the story, God works. When I was being wheeled from holding into the operating room -yes I had been given my meds(lovely drugs). I prayed the entire time to our God. I spoke to him asking that this be a benign tumor. I had even spoke it out loud as Jason and I walked into the hospital that morning. I know God hears me even in my worst. Chance stayed with me Friday night, God bless him. I didn't sleep much and he was up with me and making sure I was okay. Saturday I was on the pain meds and took those about every 4-5 hours. Sunday I took extra strength Tylenol and Monday and Tuesday just some at night. I feel good. I go in for a check up today. Wednesday I drove over for pre op on my eye. Yes that had to be postponed to May 5th and Dr. Merritt's office charged me 100.00 to reschedule that. Boy, that don't allow us to charge them when we have to wait an hour or two in their office. My Angel Teammates have been amazing. Friday I got out for a bit and Saturday too. Everyday, I feel a little bit stronger. Resting this week to get ready for Thursday. Seriously, God worked a miracle on Good Friday and I'm thankful.

Christmas 2010

Christmas was good this year. Having Hunter here was a blessing. He's in love with Thomas the Train and all things connected with trains and cars. I had an electric train set up and running but about 2 hours before they arrived the darn thing stopped operating for some reason and no matter what I did and I'm talking (praying and ranting) did the thing start up. Still the surprise on Hunter's face when he saw it was all I needed. I gave him a Thomas the Train shirt and immediately he said "off! on!". I really missed Lariat this year, I do hope that he's getting the help he needs and will be with us next year. I video all so he will be able to see what he missed. Ashely and Chance was here and it was nice, just not the same when you are shy a family member.

It has been a blessing not traveling the month of December. My face and back are beginning to heal nicely. Stitches are out and I'm beginning to look normal again.

2010 was a year! So many things. The month of March we lost Sharla to cancer. May, Jane and I went to New York and I was awarded the Bess Cohen Humanitarian Award. August, Hunter turned 2. September I went to TN to walk in the Chattanooga 5K walk with my buddy Jane and family. In October, I went to DC to walk in the Komen 60 mile walk and that same month I was in MN to see the Cowboys get beat by the Vikings. In November I walked in the Komen 60 mile walk here in Dallas. No wonder this year has flown by.

In 2011 I'm going to try and do some things differently.

Pay it forward a little more.

Make a difference in a person's life.

Give up betting, especially football betting, if you know me, you know I make the worst bets.

Do more 5K walks and less 60 milers. My family would love this.

Ask for help - not a four letter word you know!

Just a few things~ I'd love for 2011 to be a year that I don't stress in. 2011 the year of love!

Seriously! It's be a year!