This time of Year....

This time of year, used to be my favorite time of the year. My boy's faces would light up with the prospect of seeing Santa and the look of Christmas lights and our house was alive with music and laughter and then the unthinkable happened we experienced the death of a child. Our 8 month old daughter Taylor died, that first Christmas, we couldn't even stand to stay home, so we loaded up a Uhaul with gifts and headed to New Mexico to spend it in a different environment so we didn't have to experience it at home. From that Christmas on it was never the same for me. Oh, I put on the "face" but it never was the same for me. My marriage starting falling apart, I was falling apart emotionally and I just never really found the joy of Christmas anymore. After the divorce, my ex and I shared the boys for Christmas and I usually found myself giving Eddy that day with the boys due to the fact I didn't really care if I was alone, I wanted to make sure that the boys had a good day and I knew his family always celebrated in a big way. I still find it hard to celebrate even after 21 years. I will admit that last year with a little Hunter man around that it was a little better and I'm hoping this year, it will be a little more. He's two now! Even though it will be bitter without Lariat with us, but I know he is getting the help he is needing.

Tomorrow I go in to have cancer removed off my face and then Tuesday they remove the cancer off my back. For the first time in a long time I'm nervous about a procedure. Normally I'm not but for some reason I am. Last October they had to remove two places off my face and Dr. Parker did a great job but I don't know I just have a "gut" feeling. So please pray for good results. It's going to be two early days as I'm doing it early, early so I can get back into the office and work a full day each day.

The Christmas tree is up and decorated and the house is ready to go. I had to get all of this done this past weekend so I could have it done and not worry about it this week. I must say the tree is beautiful and no saws were involved like last year. Thank goodness! Seriously, this time of the year is to be enjoyed! I need to remember why we celebrate Christmas. Maybe we all should!