When it Rains

It's raining here in Dallas and I don't know why when it rains and I'm home that I become all sentimental. I want to reach out to all those that I love and make sure that they know it. I want to bake and feed them and I want to cuddle them. The problem is they are all grown or gone. My boys are now men, 24 and 28. Today I was working from home, I didn't have to travel, I'm still recovering from the shingles and I still don't feel well. The L man didn't come by on his way to work and he's busy since he was gone all last week on vacation. I just want to LOVE today. I want to make sure my co workers know that I appreciate them, that I enjoy working with them. I just want people to know that I was here. I don't know, I just feel like I'm not going to be around much longer. It's days like today that I realize that I have cancer, a deadly disease that is killing me. I fight long and hard but dreary days like today make me realize the fight is almost over. That I can't go on forever. I'm tired. I want to win this battle but it is hard some days to continue the fight to go on. I get up every day and tell myself that today is going to be a good day but today, today is a rainy day, the tears fall easily. As I baked the Peach Cobbler (my Mom's recipe) the tears just fell, who will fix this for Lariat when he wants it. Chance doesn't like sweets. He'd rather have a roast with no veggies or a large pot of Spaghetti. I want my boys/men to know that they were the most important things to me when I'm gone. I want them to know that they were thought of a every single day with love and joy and that I couldn't wait to see them every chance I got. They were special to me! They were my life! So today as it rains, it rains, I allow the tears to fall. Tomorrow - I hope to see the rainbow and at it the end a new attitude!